Let me take notice of the ever changing world

2010-09-19T23:41:00.002+08:00

其实, 我真的有好多事情很想说. 但是, 我很清楚. 说与不说, 其实没太大的分别... 每一次在夜深人静的夜晚, 一切的一切总会浮现在我脑海里. 一直忙忙碌碌, 感觉也累了. 心也老了. 一年一年的过去, 看的多了, 听的多了, 想法也不一样了.........

值得开心的事其实也不少...

人因梦想而伟大. 我一步一步的往梦想前进. 这样我也该开心吧?

Motivation stopped, determination declined, what is left, is hope...

2010-07-16T01:53:00.001+08:00

原来, 就算过了这么多年, 对我, 还是有影响.....

是可惜还是应该?

2010-05-03T15:51:00.002+08:00

突然一阵阵的不该塞满了我的回忆. 堵住了我的思维. 是可惜还是应该? 是活该还是不该? 一切的一切, 发生的发生, 都已是事实. 有些事, 是不可否认的. 没说, 不代表不_.

不能握的手从此匿名的朋友.

也许, 能, 闭上眼, 关闭脑, 才是最幸福的一件事..........

2010-04-20T06:08:00.002+08:00

独送昏暗不离的风回忆里被爱
那股激动天色好红
温柔好浓在胸口浮现你的面容
一起活在这城市里更提起你名字
心还跳动却没重逢
只留下碰却又不敢碰的那种激动
也许我们当时年纪真的太小
从那懵懵懂懂走进各自天空
该怎么说让彼此选择但思念还转动

不能握的手从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执着依然执着
与你无关泪自行吸收
不能握的手却比亲人更亲厚
当所有如果都没有如果
只有失去的温柔最温柔

当又一次美梦落空回忆里被爱
那股激动天色好红
温柔好浓在胸口浮现你的面容
也许我们当时年纪真的太小
从那懵懵懂懂走进各自天空
那是什么让彼此选择
又不仅是尊重

不能握的手从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执着依然执着
与你无关泪自行吸收
不能握的手却比亲人更亲厚
当所有如果都没有如果
只有失去的温柔最温柔

不能握的手从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执着依然执着
却决心和你不再联络
不能握的手却比爱人更长久
当所有如果都没有如果
只有失去的拥有最永久

Guess so

2009-10-26T01:18:00.003+08:00

_ _ 不是一个办法. Stop.

5 More days to go. Definitely will remember all the fun all of us had.

Alan
- Looks happy
- More sentimental than you think so
- Complicated
- Thinks alot
- Claustrophobic
- Feels that alcohol is magical
- Is missing T
- Workaholic
- Actually not into clubbing
- Can't stand injustice
- Fantasize of having supernatural ability
- Plays er-hu
- Hates metal scrapping sound
- Seldom eat fish anymore
- Enjoys even the quietest moment
- Has a favourite spot to be alone
- Can never get what he wants

最後一次

2009-10-16T02:42:00.002+08:00

Last piece of song... This is touching. Do take a look..

New path

2009-09-24T00:33:00.002+08:00

I..............
I.......................
I..............................
I.....................................
I............................................
I....................................................

Tendered my resignation on monday.................................

Finally..... I have make up my mind. Is tough to reach this step. I know the pay is good........ The workload is EVEN better. My working hours is even longer than FULL shift. But actually i am not complaining. I don't mind working till wee hours. I don't mind heavy workload. Just that i seriously think i am not being appreciated. Empty promises. I can't stand that. There are still many reasons. Too many to name. Now, i have dropped the bomb. So is time to take a break. Move on and face new challenges.

Yes, it is

2009-09-21T02:37:00.002+08:00

Another 6 more hours i will be in the office. Public holiday but not for me.

Frustration, stress, disappoinment.
Excited, relieve, hopeful.

Is the total reverse of each emotions but yet i am feeling it all.

Sometimes i feel i am running away. Escaping. Unwilling to face the truth. Nightlife is a way to hide within the darkness without expressing myself.

I have been convincing myself what i can't and not what i can.

Perhaps i really can't do it anymore. Perhaps right from the start i am not capable of. Perhaps it is not meant to. Perhaps perhaps.... That is why i am reluctant.

I got a cat. A cat with no name. A stray cat under my house. One i constantly feed whenever i reach home. One that is willing to follow me around even though i am not carrying any food. One that is willing to walk around my legs when i am standing still. One that makes me feel wanted. This feeling is incredible. Absolutely.

I have been waiting... Waiting.. Continuously waiting...

I know i know

2009-09-15T02:10:00.003+08:00

18 hours... Currently that is my record for continous work in office. I seriously don't feel good about working till 12am or later almost everyday. I started work from 9am. Yet i finish work with the Europe shift which started around 4pm?

I tend to pour things out easily to you. Thanks for coming down on sat. Thanks for drinking with me. Thanks for hearing me out. Thanks for the encouragements. You are really someone i can relate to even though we didn't know each other for long. Don't forget, you promise to get me different sweets from each country that you stop by. But perhaps one day you should stop flying. Shall see you soon ya. =)

I haven been seeing many of my friends. The meet up with anna and the rest also keep on postpone. Lian they all too. I do miss each and everyone. =)

Some random talks with denise actually got me thinking....

听的多, 看的更多. After that, you will realise what is actually going on. I might not say anything. I might act blur. I might even act ignorant. But definitely, i know more than you thought so. People do underestimates me. You are one of them.

微笑不代表我快乐. 沉默不代表我难过. 眼神中带着一丝丝忧伤不一定是因为我悲伤. 也可能是因为.............. 我已忘了什么是快乐......

人生无常

2009-07-24T01:17:00.000+08:00

工作压的我喘不过气. 每一分每一秒, 变的额外紧张. 累.. 累了..

人老了.. 我也觉得我老了... 心境变的如此脆弱. 我知道, 很多事情, 往往由不得我们做主.

常说, 天意难违. 星期一的午夜时分, 七月二十号, 你走了. 我心里很乱. 或许一切来的太突然. 我直到现在都还反应不过来. 两年前, 我们一起去了中国. 那时的你, 还好好的. 一起搭巴士, 火车, 飞机..... 一起游山玩水.... 一起吃喝玩乐.... 我还能模糊的记得你那老实的微笑... 那时你还跟我说了好多好多的话... 这两天, 在你的灵堂, 我不懂要说什么. 看到憔悴, 瘦弱的你, 躺的那么安祥, 我不禁感到心酸... 曾经存在, 现在却消失了... 我本来想在星期三下班后, 去看望你. 可惜, 我太迟了... 一切都太晚了.... 我后悔.... 为何不早一点去探望你. 忙忙碌碌, 又是何苦....

大舅, 我真的希望, 从此以后, 你的痛苦都随着这一切的过去而消失..

这个星期六, 让我送你最后一程... 就让这, 成为我们最后的一段路.....

2009-07-15T00:56:00.002+08:00

Too much work......

Too little time...............

I need my sleep........................

I need many hugs......................................................

Threads of destiny

2009-07-06T01:17:00.003+08:00

Red string
If we are fated to be together,
Even if our love failed now.
We will have a chance again.

This movie is great. Although i am not a fan of romance show, i recommend this.

2009-06-15T02:26:00.002+08:00

Leave or Stay.

Cross junction.

Indecisive.

2009-05-25T13:41:00.002+08:00

Tired of uncertainties.

45 days ago

2009-05-15T22:25:00.005+08:00

I really like this song. Meaningful lyrics too. Finish the whole song. Watch the mtv, see the english subs. I guess most of you will then like it. =)

Is been 45 days.....

I remember...

Many ear rings.

Coloured hair.

Cats lover.

Unpredictable.

Stubborn.

Blur.

Slow response speed.

Big appetite.

No spicy food.

Chocolate fanatic.

Mac breakfast lover.

Cheeseburger.

Late owl.

Invisible.

Prata.

Tea.

Loves walking.

Bugis back to StG.

Secretive.

My present.

I want to be able to add on more to the list.. But.... 45 days.....

Eve of Good/Bad Friday

2009-04-10T03:12:00.005+08:00

Fast and furious 4 is quite a nice show. Been a long time since all of us catch a movie together. Although you brought bad news to me, still, the night is great. Thanks to the both of you, for always being such wonderful friends. =)

Met weiling at the cinema. Happen to watch the same show too. Kinda surprised that her friend knew my name. Cause she called out alan and started talking to me.

Perhaps today is not a good day exactly. The show stop halfway due to power failure i believe. After that continue on after like 10mins break. Disrupted our mood.

Came back earlier as i got work tomorrow. Good friday and i will be back to the office.

A friend of mine just send me a super duper old picture! The demonstration event we did for the PM many years back. About 8-10 years ago i guess. Omg.. Those days... I can't help but laugh at myself. Ok, since i am in the mood to share, i shall post it.

I doubt is tough to guess who am i right? This is worth a laugh. =)

Ok then.. Night.

You're the concern i have.

Happy belated birthday

2009-04-02T03:23:00.002+08:00

Toss and turn, i can't get to sleep. Decided to blog. This year is a quiet birthday. But i seriously do enjoy the late night dinner on my birthday. Thanks for the present. I really do appreciate and treasure it. I really do.. =)

Tons of things to say, perhaps an update of my bangkok trip last week. But can't really think in the middle of the night. So perhaps next time, with photos.

Birthday is over, april fool is over. Good friday next! But i will be working......... Yawn.. Whatever it is, i do have a birthday wish. One and only. But i think the probability for it to come true, is too insignificant for me to even mention it.. Sigh.. Oh well.... Hope.. I can still hope i guess..

只要你说一句, 世界就都属于你.......

Wonder girls - Nobody

2009-03-22T05:35:00.002+08:00

[YooBin] You know i still love you baby
And it will never change

[all] I want Nobody nobody but you
I want Nobody nobody but you

[SunYe] Nandareul sarameun shiro niga animyeon shiro

[all] I want Nobody nobody nobody nobody

[SunMi] Nan shireunde wae nal ireonae ryeogohanijaggu naemareun deujji angowae ireohgedareun namjaege nalbonaeryeo hani eoteohge ireoni

[SoHee] nal wihae geureodan geu mal
neonbujokha daneun geu mal
ijengeu manhaeneon nareul aljana weh wonha jido anneun geol gangyohae

[all] I want Nobody nobody but you
I want Nobody nobody but you

[YeEun] Nan dareul sarameun shiro niga animyon shiro

[all] I want Nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want Nobody nobody but you
I want Nobody nobody but you

[SunYe] Nandareul sarameun shiro niga animyeon shiro

[all] I want Nobody nobody nobody nobody

[SunMi] nan joh eunde nan haengbokhandeneoman isseumyeondwae deo baralge obneundenugul mannasseo haengbokharan geoyanan neol ddeonasseo haengbokhal ssu eobseo

[SoHee] Nal wihae geureohdan geu mal
neon bujokhadaneun geu mal
mari an dwineun mariran geol wae mollaniga eobshi eoddeohge haengbokhae

[all] I want Nobody nobody but you
I want Nobody nobody but you

[YeEun] Nan dareul sarameun shiro niga animyon shiro

[all] I want Nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want Nobody nobody but you
I want Nobody nobody but you

[SunYe] Nandareul sarameun shiro niga animyeon shiro

[all] I want Nobody nobody nobody nobody

[all] I want Nobody nobody body
I want Nobody nobody body

[YeEun] Naneun jeongmal niga animyon niga animyon shildan marya Ah~

[all] I want Nobody nobody but you
I want Nobody nobody but you

[YeEun] Nan dareul sarameun shiro niga animyon shiro

[all] I want Nobody nobody nobody nobody
I want Nobody nobody but you
I want Nobody nobody but you

[SunYe] Nandareul sarameun shiro niga animyeon shiro

[all] I want Nobody nobody nobody nobody

[YooBiin] Back to the days when we were so young and wild and free
modeunge neomuna ggumman gateodeongutae ro doragago shipeundewae jaggu nareul mireonaeryeo hae
Why do you push me away.
I don't want nobody nobody nobody nobody but you

消失的世界

2009-03-12T00:49:00.003+08:00

一个人回家的路上, 感觉特别漫长... 时间一分一秒的过去... 原来.....

我发现, 我.. 不是真的快乐... 已经很久很久, 没有感觉到内心深处, 那高兴的滋味...

2009-03-11T13:34:00.002+08:00

当你握紧我的手
我决定和你走
经历再多的挫折
也绝对不退缩
当河流都倒流
我还在你左右
一直陪伴你到时间的尽头
就算有一天
天和地都会分离
也永远不离也不弃
要和你在一起

为了你我可以
因为爱你我只能爱你
生命荡涤轮回里
你是唯一不忘的记忆
真正的爱过
才算真正的活过
爱你从此绝不会放手

不曾褪色的承诺
比永久还要久
痛过哭过也恨过
从未想放弃过
莫问我要理由
爱就是我所有
今生来世你是不变的守候
就算全世界
都要来与你为敌
也还要紧紧抱着你
泪不会掉一滴

为了你我可以
因为爱你我只能爱你
只要为你我愿意
牺牲一切都不觉可惜
真正的爱过
才算真正的活过
爱你从此再无他所求

Eagle shooting heroes

2009-03-09T22:43:00.003+08:00

I think only those who appreciate this type of shows will understand it. But this short clip is kinda touching. Not the front part. Is around the starting of 2.15mins. The first 2 mins is nothing much. I can't manage to get a shorter clip to show. Without knowing the story and events that happened before this plot, i guess most people will just feel puzzled. =)

惜弱:
我所做错的一切, 只希望你能怪我, 骂我
可是你将错, 都放在自己的身上
我们把所有的错都背在自己的身上
让自己内疚, 痛苦
以为这样做, 是为对方好
结果, 却让我们的伤口, 越挖越深
让我们都活在往日的罪孽里, 逃不出来
我们越是不放过自己, 越是折磨对方, 伤害对方
甚至, 让身边所有的人也跟着我们一起受苦

2009-03-09T02:31:00.002+08:00

Work is good. Been staying till late. Buried myself in. Focused on it. Bring my thoughts away.

Speak the truth will you? What can i say...

2009-03-04T00:46:00.000+08:00

I give up

Another cinderella story

2009-03-02T02:28:00.002+08:00

This is another great show. But i think the songs are better than the dance. Lets just lower our expectations. This will be good enough.

Exams are coming. Yet i am troubled by other matters.

I think i should just give up. Give it all up. Yea i guess...

It's become so hard
For me to be surprised
But you're bringing back the real me
No judgement in your eyes
It's the way you make me feel
Like i'm finally something real

Dedicated Happy Birthday!

2009-02-19T23:07:00.004+08:00

Happy birthday! A special day for you! Enjoy yourself ya! Stay happy, bubbly and blur always! =)

This pub Howl At The Moon is quite unique. Went once, but i think i like it.

I....... Got many things to say........ But i can't manage to let it out............ Maybe bit by bit. But is not enough.... Sometimes sometimes, i am satisfied with the current situation. But....... I think is just not enough.... Do you know what i am talking about?

我终于明白, 办不到的承诺, 就成了枷锁... There was a time, when all things failed, what is left? Hope... A tiny hope is enough for a great motivation. One cannot live without hope. This is something that can never diminish from our heart.

Take a chance. Live a new life. You never know unless you try......

我一直很安静.. 默默地, 我觉的就足够了....
也许在梦境里, 是我们最近的距离...
没有你的每一天... 快乐离我好遥远.. 真的好遥远....

人生在世, 难得糊涂......

My sins

2009-02-09T03:23:00.002+08:00

I know myself. Sometimes i do hate it. I knew i shouldn't. Yea... I knew but yet.......

I am full of sins. You don't know me. You don't know how much i had sinned. My closest friends knew. Is not real bad. But is still sinful of me. I can't help it.. Why.... For a long time, i been asking myself why am i doing this. Why can't i stop it. Why.. Is that really so important to me that i cannot give it up? Inside of me, there are always 1001 whys. I can never explain it. Deep down, i don't wanna be this way. I don't want to find excuses for myself. I hate lies. I hate dishonesty. Absolutely pointless. Tell me what is the meaning of life? I am not having suicidal thoughts. That is an immature behaviour.

Tell me... Am i that bad?
Tell me... Am i a good friend?
Tell me... What do you think of me?
Tell me.....
I need many answers..
I am just avoiding.
I can't face it.
I cant even face myself.
So tell me now, what can i do?

Random, and more

2009-02-09T00:13:00.005+08:00

What can i say?

I know this is kinda random. In fact, i am always this way. I can never shift myself out of the nightmare. I started my dream, continuous dreaming and till now, it became dreamt.

I just watched underworld on sat. I think is nice. But then it doesn't link to any of the past two series. Is like a history of vampires and lycans. How they ended up seperated. Recently been playing left 4 dead. Fun is all i can say.. Nini chen sucks at it. Charmine is good. Lol..

I normally slept through my sat and sun. The only two days i can enjoy my sleep. Boring life.. Light me up! I think i am really used to sunday not going out. I can't seem to make myself step out of the house. Weekends always pass so fast.. Back to reality tomorrow.

Oh yea, this coming sat is Vday. My second Vday alone. Lol.. Anyone wanna give me a date? Stanley? No, you will be with jiahui. Sito? No, you will be with nini chen. The other girls? All with bfs. Only left darren? Oh man.. Damn it. Super reluctant to go out with you. Haha.. The two of us can go for a romantic candlelit dinner? Shall we? =)

I am stucked. There are many stuff in me that i wanna express it out. But... Lost for words. Going down to meet stan now.

Ok deb, i know you are reading this. Nice knowing you. =) Lol..

In seven days, god created the world. But in seven seconds, i shattered mine.

Center Stage 2 - Turn it up

2009-02-06T02:03:00.002+08:00

I just watched this show. Omg.. Is really.. Awesome! Two thumbs up! Comparable to step up or perhaps some parts are even better. Lol.. I doubt locally will release this show though. Too bad. Got a chance, watch this. You won't regret. Woy yoh yoh~

2009-02-02T02:34:00.001+08:00

我在搞笑藉着热闹掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑偏要说着一个人真好
当人群散了突然觉得我可以死掉
我在搞笑却在醉后眼泪拼命飙

人日

2009-02-01T20:55:00.003+08:00

今天是人日. Happy Chinese New Year. =)

Noticing the lapse?

Cny's duration is kinda short this year. Or is it due to my working status? I find it to be extremely boring. Totally not in the "Yeah ang bao!" mood. Do you think the same way as me? What say you?

我感觉麻麻的. 有一点奇怪. 真的...

虚伪的人生

2009-01-18T22:17:00.003+08:00

有时侯我在想, 为何世界变的如此之快. 人, 永远都是一切坏事的根源. 我一直在思考着一些难以了解的问题. 我想, 这一辈子都不会有答案的......

累了的时候, 只想让"心", 这只小船靠岸. 需要多少时间, 才能够了解? 需要多少次的尝试, 才能够得到该有的幸福? 我, 其实并不快乐. 一直忙着工作. 希望在忙忙碌碌的生活里, 找到一丝丝的满足. 往往都把悲哀锁进内心深处. 从来没有人问过我的心事. 也没人发现我的无奈. 约定与承诺, 都是虚无的吗? 难道就如大家常说的, 承诺是应该被打翻的? 这世上就不能有一辈子? 就想我之前所说的, 我相信永远并不存在. 但是荒谬的我, 其实一直也在等待着黎明的到来. 我不懂, 我真的不懂. 为何一颗真诚的心, 会没人珍惜? 除非, 一切都是天意..... 我, 郑祥伦, 从来没有听天由命的想法. 对我而言, 人与人之所以会相逢, 是一种缘分. 很多人喜欢滥用缘分. 不要的, 想丢弃的, 就说, 有缘无分. 但, 有没有想过, 命运是掌握在自己手中? 每一条道路, 都是自己选择的. 为何不说自己的毅力不足? 为何不说自己没尽最大的努力? 我相信每一个人在生命中的一个阶段, 都曾怀疑过自己. "如果当初我这样, 那样, 或者多一些努力, 也许就不会有这样的下场". 这又是为何..... 何苦呢?

我控制着我人生的每一个过程和决定. 我想, 在这一路走来, 我已犯了许多错误. 后悔也来不及. 我能做的, 就是珍惜身边的每一个人, 每一样事物. 往事不堪回首....

曾经有一位好朋友告诉过我, 只要你知道, 你已经尽了你的本份, 无愧于心, 那就可以了. 他的立场是不管结局如何, 做到最好, 就足够了. 就算他背叛另一半, 也不能怪他. 因为他已尽力. 我不知道该不该认同他的看法. 一方面他是对的, 但在内心某某一个角落却告诉我这是错的. 我已分不清, 对与错....

我不要在想了. 写出这些, 已经快用光我的精力. 我只是很简单的一个人. 我只想要找到属于我的快乐......

Happy ....... to me..

2009-01-13T00:40:00.002+08:00

Today was a sushi day. How nice to see them again. The 3 devils. =) Still as mean as ever. Tsk.. Lets meet up more often ya. Thanks for the present. Appreciate a lot. Especially the thought to even get something.

I never wanted it this way. It just... Happened... Even to my dismay.. Things just went out of control.. Or maybe is just my thoughts.. I don't know, i don't know how to know.. I guess i shouldn't be.. Wasn't, isn't and won't be. I felt numb.. It just... 上了锁.. I think i lost the key. I think i lost myself. I think in this dreadful night, everything seems so bleak.. Where is the so called 说好的幸福? When you look at me, what can you see from my eyes? What can it tells you? Do you even know the reason for my existence?

我相信永远不存在. Don't ask me why. Don't judge my thoughts. It is, and always will be. Do you believe in forever?

A restless night

2009-01-11T05:24:00.003+08:00

I am not happy. Totally not. Not in the right mind to explain too. Just wanna pen down my thoughts. What can i say? Things happen for a reason. Am i right? I think i am ridiculous. I think i am contradicting. Perhaps i don't even know myself... I should start learning about my inner self first before i can achieve more. It is just not right for my current situation.

Appear soon.............

How you feel reading this?

2009-01-08T18:50:00.005+08:00

“老公啊，我们什么时候能结婚啊？”女人一脸好奇的问，从声音分辨，她是很轻快的询问！他们在一起时间不久，两年而已，相处两年的情侣到处都是，随便就能抓出一大把，而现在的人，能有几个在交往的时候考虑结婚的？

“现在工作上也没什么突破，过两年吧！”男人轻轻柔柔道！

“哦！”没有失落亦没有兴奋，似乎预料中！

“老公啊，那假如有孩子了怎么办？”

“你有了？”男人严肃的握住女人的手，眼神犀利的盯住她！

“你抓痛我了啦！”女人喊了出来，“我是问问而已，有了我会告诉你的！”

“老婆，你记得，以我们现在并不适合要孩子，经济上也许可以不用顾忌但是心理上还无法接受，养育一个孩子不是养育一只小宠物那么简单；如果有了要告诉我，我会陪你去医院的，明白吗？”听了女人的话，男人放下心来，也柔下声音来对女人说着自己的观点！

“你放心好了啦，我不会那么不注意的，即便是有了也不会瞒你的，嘿嘿！”女人清爽的声音再度响起！但在心底，女人不知道是否该赞同男人的话，彼此工作其实都不错也算稳定；已经多次思考过，男人只是交往初期提到过结婚，而当彼此交往变得稳定后就没有涉及过婚姻；女人虽然大大咧咧但不是真的傻！其实真不知道他们之间的问题到底出在哪？是不爱吗？虽然感觉不到爱却也没感觉到哪不爱，也许是时间让彼此都沉静了！现在他们住的子，一半是女人出钱按揭的；她习惯平衡！平日逛街，他也从来没有陪过她，她从来不觉得有什么不舒服，毕竟习惯自娱是最容易快乐的方式，这时候却想到这个动作是否也能衡量他的感情。

“老公啊，今天你陪我逛街好不好？你还从来没陪我上过街呢！”女人撒娇的说。

“忙呢！乖，怎么今天想到要我陪了？”男人漫不经心的问！

“那你要不要嘛？”

“自己去吧，要买什么自己去提款就是！”男人的眼光始终专注在文件上！

“老公，我突然想嫁给你了，怎么办？”清纯美丽的小脸上闪亮的大眼无辜的望着男人；这句话把男人的注意力拉回到她身上。男人望着眼前这个没被现实的残忍划下太多痕迹的女子，隐隐的不耐与无力！

“那张纸对你来说是什么意义？”男人放下手上的工作打算和女人好好的谈一次！

“不知道！想和你结婚跟那张纸有牵连吗？”

“你想结婚不就是想要那张纸吗？”男人牵动了下眉。

“如果你那样想也可以啦，你有没有想过和我结婚？其实也是在问你的未来有没有把我算在内！”依然是轻快的声音。

“从一开始我就是打算和你一直走下去的，你不会不明白。”男人间接的回答。

“你从来没有直接的回答过我的问题耶，不管是怎样的问题都好！”女人把声音放到很嗲；“好了啦，不跟你讨论了，免得气死我自己！嘻嘻，那我自己去逛街啦，不要你陪，哼！”话音一落，她拿起包以轻快的姿态走出房间！

身后的门一关上，原本笑意盈盈的脸瞬间沉下来，换上一脸苍白与哀愁，眸底有着让人捕捉不住的幽晦迷离！迈出脚步，缓缓的走在人潮拥挤的路上，脑子里一片空白却也塞满了思绪，一直都以为自己是很快就能过渡伤害放大欢乐的开心着，这次用尽了力气，却做不到；泪水直流！有的时候不甘愿输给命运却不得不屈服于宿命！快乐的妖精这会，不快乐！哭够了，收起眼泪扬起笑脸，冲到步行街给心爱的他选了十套西服十件衬衣十条领带十个胸针十双袜子十双鞋子，信用卡几乎被刷暴，但是她笑得看不到眼！这时候的她，又是一个精灵，能感染人的精灵！东西太多扛不了，只好打车回去！得意洋洋的向他炫耀自己的战绩，他看到那么多的衣服，最角边隐隐的抽搐，看着身旁这个做事向来一鸣惊人的她不知做何反应！

“老公啊，这些都我挑的，不错吧？”看着自己挑的西服她自我陶醉，对自己的眼光她向来自信！

“老公啊，这些衣服记得已经慢慢穿哦，今天看到好看的心血来潮就帮你买了！哼，你要敢说一个不喜欢的字眼，我就让你吃不了兜着走，听到没？”插着腰威胁，故意板起那张娇滴滴的脸！

“好！我不说不喜欢，但是你买这么干什么？你怎么总是那么浪费！”男人语带指责。

“哎呀啦，老公，反正都已经买了你骂我也没用啊！你就多疼我一点也喜欢上这些衣服吧，好不好嘛？”撒娇的摇着他的手，一脸的委屈状！他回她一个无奈的眼神，揉揉她的头发；“好好好！你呀，以后记得别这样了听到没？否则就算你撒娇我一样不饶哦！”

“恩恩恩恩！”拼命的摇晃着脑袋！

“嘿嘿．．．西西．．．”女人一直在咧着嘴傻笑个不停，男人见状亦拉开嘴笑了出来，他的女人太可爱了，和个孩子一样无忧，也有成熟女人的知性；有“妻”如她，还有什么不满足？他在心里也在琢磨着见家长的事，一直都不再提起结婚的事只是想给她一个惊喜，当初在一起的时候，他就下定决心娶她！

“老公啊，我这个月回家去陪我妈妈好不好？毕业到现在我都没有在家好好呆过呢，妈妈好想我了，我怕弟弟娶到的老婆欺负我妈，我要回去好好‘教育’弟弟去！”晚上的时候她楼着他，手在他身上挠着痒痒，他边逃开他的魔爪，边取笑：“你终于有良心记起妈妈啦？”

“西西，人家我可是乖乖女咧！老公，我买了明天中午的机票，这段时间你可要好好照顾自己哦！”

“原来你是有计谋的啊，我说你怎么忽然对我那么好！”男人假装凶神恶煞！

“哈哈，你装的都不像了啦！讨厌～。。。”

笑声溢满整个世界！

半个月过去，男人耐不住没有女人在身边的空寂，思念她的调皮，想念她的体温；拨通她电话，男人细声细语的磨女人赶快买票回来！电话里她清爽如银铃般的笑声回荡在整个脑海里令他眼圈犯红！

“老婆，你回来好不好？我们结婚吧！”

电话另一头刹那静如死寂！“你，不是不想娶我的吗？”沉默过后，女人轻轻的问！

“我不是不想，我是想在适当的时候给你一个惊喜，只是还是熬不过思念先说了！”男人解释着！

“西西，好啊，你等我回去好不好？”女人恢复精灵样！似乎得到了全世界一样！

继续半个月过去了，男人见女人迟迟不归，再次拨通电话；这回电话响了好久才被接起，却是女人的弟弟接的，男人询问他女人怎么还没回来，弟弟说她那里还需要处理点事，还没那么快能走开，告知很快就回，请他别挂心！

再半个月后，男人接到来自女人弟弟的电话，电话里，弟弟让他马上过他们家去，说女人有事！男人吓到了，定好机票如箭般飞奔机场！

到了x市，女人的弟弟接机，弟弟一眼就认出男人，一路沉默的把男人领到医院；不祥的预感笼罩着男人，病房门开，女人瘦弱苍白的脸震撼住男人，心猛的被狠狠的揪了一把，绞痛难耐！拖着软无力的腿，迈到紧闭双眼的女人身边，用手，轻轻的抚着那熟悉的脸颊，一下一下的抚摸着！

“姐姐胃癌晚期，拖了两个月了！”弟弟在一旁轻轻说着，女人的父母眼圈瞬间又泛红！

这个意外，真的太意外了，意外到连怎么回事都弄不清楚，意外到他感觉自己是在云端！胃癌，原来女人总是说没胃口总是不吃东西，说减肥是女人的终身事业，这一切都是借口，他责怪自己怎么就没用心去观察过；怪自己那么大意让女人独自撑着这最难熬的日子！女人去天堂后的半个月！从女人住的那个城市寄来一封信，男人看着熟悉的字体，浑身颤抖：

亲爱的老公：

一定在想我了，是吗？一定是的，我在天堂都感觉到了呢！

　　老公啊，你说想和我结婚，真的好感动哦！原本以为你只是想和我在一起并没有和我共度一生的想法！老公，谢谢你的爱！和你在一起啊，真的是世上最幸福的事呢！每天早上醒来你都会喊手麻，西西，知道吗？老公，这是最最感动最最记忆犹新的片刻，在家的这些日子我都睡不着，没有你的手臂当枕头没有你的怀抱当港湾；但是我不后悔，我不愿意你看到我被病魔折磨的不成人形的样子，我相信换你你也不会让我看到自己痛苦的一面！老公，原谅我，以后只能在天上笑给你听了！老公啊，一年前，我是多么希望时间能够定格，多么想永远永远都把你铭记于心底，但是发现怎么看你都看不够，我不知道要怎么做才能让心里舒服点，我知道你爱听我笑的声音，其实我自己也好喜欢自己的笑呢，所以就天天笑，让你永远都记得我，是不是好自私？我怕我走了之后你把我的一切都尘封进一个连碰都不会去触碰的角落里，我好怕，怕在那里我会冷，所以就用爱让你对我刻骨铭心！我把每天当成最后一天来过，所以，够了，今生有你，够了！

　　上次帮你买的衣服袜子鞋子，你每年在我离开的那天穿上一套去看我好不好？十套，那就是十年，十年里，你只能用十天的时间想我，在特定的那天里，你才可以想起我也不准不想我，你知道我喜欢紫色玫瑰花，记得去找到哦，我对我老公可是很有信心的呢！记得，一年就是那一天能穿，别的时候不要去碰那些服装，如果你忘记了，那么在你老之后看到那些衣服，也许能想起我的这个要求呢！西西，以后你娶老婆了，记得在那天的时候带来给我看，但是不要告诉她我是谁，是女人都会介意的，就说．．．呃．．．就说我是你的青梅竹马好不好？我好羡慕那些青梅竹马长大的人哦！以后你娶老婆了，那她就是“咱老婆”，你要对咱老婆好哦，就像对我这样，因为我在天上看着呢；虽然我会哭会吃醋，但是我更不舍得女孩子伤心；你下辈子欠我一生，好不好？下辈子我会是一个好健康好健康的宝宝呢，到时候我会用力用力的缠你一辈子，直到老去！

　　老公，我不想告诉你我爱你这个事实了，怕你哭！我只看过你哭一次，那次我任性和你提分手；但是现在的你一定也是在哭，对吗？不只是眼睛哭，心也在流着泪！老公啊，不要让心停格在那凄楚哀怆的瞬间，笑着面对人生，帮我笑完今生，好吗？

　　从现在开始，不要悲哀不要消沉；想我只要用十年里的十天；十年后把我从生命里彻底清除，我自私，但是我怕我的自私让你恨我；所以我就赖你十年，就十年好不好？十年，我们就真的忘记彼此，期待来生！

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　已经在履行约定的傻孩子

　　泪滴湿了信纸，男人痛哭失声！天渐渐的暗了，黑了，窗外灯光斜射了进来，男人整理好情绪；“老婆，我记得你十年，想你用十天，来生还你一辈子！”轻轻的，对着天际呢喃

Merry merry christmas!

2008-12-25T14:47:00.003+08:00

Merry christmas! A day for fun, peace and love! To be updated again.. =)

Updates
Finally i think i feel like blogging. What to do, busy man here. =)
Christmas is over, New Year too. Next will be Chinese New Year. 2009 is here. Happy new year to everyone. Seriously, 2008 is shit. Perhaps 2009 will be better? Ok, just signed a new contract with my bank. Boss's boss decided to withdraw my probation period and offer me better benefits. As a matured working adult, my partying days are over. Or perhaps i can say, it cut down drastically. I have not step into a club for 1/4 of a year! See.. I am not a clubber.

Met up with shan for her long awaited buffet at marina mandarin. The food was so so only. I only ate ONE chocolate strawberry. But she ate.............. It is still consider little for her. You surprised me though. Haha.. I think fishes are not friends. They are.......... FOOD......... =) I am still waiting to see your once in 3 months fall. Lol..

Did not manage to meet up with tyf for some time already! Shit man.. Lets go out soon ok. I know you wanna meet me. Don't be shy... Haha...

Darren also MIA. Omg.. Acting like a matured working adult. I feel like slapping him. Haha.. Stanley also busy.. What to do..

Exams are coming.. Early MAY.. I am totally not prepare for it. I just wish for a pass now. Is really hell to be studying in UOL. I can't understand the topics.. Bless me will you.. Shall go church soon. Haha..

Many changes during this past month. Shall update when everything is clear and confirm. So... Till then......

Ok, sorry la ah li shan. I don't mean to let you starve. Lol.. Next time alright. Tell me earlier ok. Haha..

Sunday, not mine

2008-12-14T15:46:00.003+08:00

This is tough. Log in and trying to post. Maybe is an addiction. Just got to do it sooner or later. I hope i am making the right choice. Kinda awkward at first. Time factor.

Eve will be coming my office for an interview tomorrow. If she succeed, we will be colleagues. =) Kind of weird to work with an ex. But i guess all is good ya. Went kbox with eve, alesia and irene yesterday. After that proceed to boat quay. Martell is really not for me. Chivas will be just fine next time. Thanks for the singing treat. Dinner will be on me the next round. Eve changed a lot through out the years. More mature and independent. I got to admit, i am impressed by her hardworking attitude. She just message me to go st james this coming sat. Perhaps i should.

Recently, some of my friends are undergoing some major ups and downs in their life. There will be light at the end of the tunnel my friends. Just like rainbow after rain. I can be there to listen and to help. But still, is up to you guys to pass the final stage. If i can do it, so can you. Give me a ring anytime if you need. =)

"So many cried, listening to god. So many lies, listening to you."

Another sunday will be over soon. There goes my holy day. Oh man.. Reality will start tomorrow again and continue till friday. It will just go on and on................

I miss you.... What about you?

Lunch time

2008-12-02T13:05:00.002+08:00

Why do you even want to know the reason that we can't communicate? Isn't it so obvious? Or are you oblivious to it? You wanted me to enlighten you. All i can say is i have done enough for years. My duty is up. I don't have the ability or capability to guide you anymore. You just got to grow up. Look around, face the world. Look out from your window and realise what the world is all about. Stop being stubborn. Stop trying to argue just because you wanted to even without any point. Stop visualising yourself as a victim in any situation. Stop wanting when you can't give. Stop, and think from other's point of view. Stop, i guess what i wanna say is, stop our contact.. I am tired of your mind game. Or perhaps your little tricks that tried to pull me closer whenever i shift away. Been nearly a year yet you are still constantly doing this. I am numb to it already. In the long run, i gain more than i loss with the break up. So yea, i can only say, it is a right choice for us to end. Life is much more easier with your absence.

Should i or should i not?

Can you tell me? Is that a hint? Or perhaps just nothing?

My mind is shifting. Blurring. I can't understand anything. I need to rest. I need to sleep.. I need............

News exposed

2008-12-01T01:34:00.003+08:00

Nini chen. You know the news you brought to me is not something that is pleasing to my ears? That is one of the last thing i wanna know. But i guess, we can't deny a fact ya. What can i say? I mean it is within my expectations that sooner or later it will happen. Knowing it now, might be an early release. Like what i told my secret friend, moving on is so much easier now after i know it. Another positive aspect, maybe soon, we can be open friends instead of secret friends. Tiring to be under the radar. For fear she might know of our friendship. Just us being friends yet got to hide from the devil. That is really lame..

爱我还是爱你
你选择了自己
沉默是我最後的温柔
是因为我太爱你
爱情是一道伤口
我们各自苦痛
分开其实真的是一种解脱......

Another month, 2009 will be here. Nothing much for me. Just another digit. Same as my age. I got to work on christmas day. How great..

Lets see.. Believe in you? I dunno.. No idea. Don't even understand myself. What i want is unknown. What i can give is limited. Is it worth it for you to wait? Should i really try? To take another chance? We shall see..

Is it you or me?

一切都已经过去
不能改变的事实
我曾经牢牢捉住
不舍得放弃希望
但最后我已明白
放手才是应该的
与其活在回忆里
不如勇敢往前走........
这是我的完结篇
也是我重新认识自己的时候......

All i want for christmas is..........................

Wipe away the dust

2008-11-27T15:12:00.002+08:00

I am not diligent enough to blog. The phase of expressing my feelings and thoughts slowly die off. Two weeks back, while working, i was actually quite surprised by janice. She suddenly message me, "Are you ok? Something is bothering you?" I always find it amusing when she is just sitting opposite of me but got to use message instead of saying it out. None of my other colleagues notice something is bothering me except for her. I got to say, thanks for asking. I thought i am acting normal. But you saw the sign...

As usual, work and studies are taking up most of my timing. Recently been drinking very often. On my money tap. Flowing like how singaporeans use water.

Suzuki swift, Toyota altis or vios, Honda fit. Give me a while more, one of you will be mine! =)

I am kinda hesitating. Like what i said, it will be tough on you. Basically, i don't have any trust for girls. Which means relationship is a risky and non-profitable investment for me. That is why i am reluctant to. I gave enough previously. I am tired to be the "giver". You said you are willing to go through this with me. How sure are you? Don't you think you will feel upset more often? Sometimes i can make you really helpless with my emo-ness. I can make you feel that no matter what you did, i am still rooted to the ground. I agreed that time will tell. I also acknowledge the fact that i can't be always hiding in the past and not willing to move on. But if i can forget easily, that is not me anymore. Is not about you anymore. Is me. If only i can be more cold blooded.....

Decision

2008-11-11T01:55:00.005+08:00

Yesterday another round of drinks again. Not because i wanna it though. I almost expose my secret after being tipsy. Zzz.. Lucky.. How lucky...

I have decided. This is leading to no where. Instantly, i set my mind to cut it off. I told her, "lets stop contacting". This afternoon i did not reply at all. I guess i did the right thing. I can't have her dragging me. Up till now, she is only concern about how she is feeling. Never ever did she ask what am i thinking or how am i feeling. I can never pin-point her mistakes out. It will just make her frustrated and turn negative. This is why we can never have a proper conversation. Can't reach a point of understanding. When i willing to listen, she don't wanna talk. If only she can behave calmly, things will be better. She just has no patience. Bias-ness.. No matter what i say or do, is always wrong in her eyes. So ya... Don't tell me i am good enough. Because to me, i am never enough for you. No matter how hard i try, i can never reach it. Just take it as i am shitty. You deserve better. Everything is my fault.

Much better now. Straightened my thoughts. Gonna follow what i set my mind to. Cut it off. The bonds. Only in this way, then i can see my future. =)

One day, just one fine day, your spell will have no effect on me anymore.

Why now...

2008-11-09T04:13:00.003+08:00

I went out happily. Although i am tired and sleepy, my mood is still alright. Drink, drank and tipsy. Came home and my mood is all gone. In one instant. Those of you know who this person is should know the impact on me.

[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:24 AM:
i went through sm smses in my old phone....
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
just wanna tell you, i miss you
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
oh well
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
what happened to us
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
haha sorry
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:26 AM:
a little in a drunken stupor
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:38 AM:
what happened to us...................
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:39 AM:
right my apologise agian
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:39 AM:
nights
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:39 AM:
can we go back to then?

Maybe she is drunk and not sober. Maybe she is just being emotional at that moment. Why wait till now? Don't you think is too late? Is been nearly a year.. I felt a pain. A sharp pain piercing through my heart. Why wait till i have given up all hopes? I really tried my best for you. But everything is just so wrong in your eyes. I am never enough.. Is really painful. The pain... Somebody kill me please...................

Restless day

2008-11-03T22:48:00.004+08:00

Finished my work early today. Received a message from janice. Asking whether wanna go home together or not. So i decided to leave with her. Went to tm for a while before heading home together. Actually i find it quite amusing. We are sitting opposite of each other. Yet got to message. Weird isn't it? Hmmm...

Sometimes life drive us crazy. Sometimes we drive ourselves mad. Once again, back to the starting line. I am not making sense here. Pardon me. Just allow my emotions to flow. Just cut me some slack. How i wish everyone can stop pressuring me. I am tense up at work every minute. How pathetic. Personal, work or school life, i am not expecting anything. Just hoping for a breakthrough. Sometimes in the middle of the work, receiving a simple message can brighten my day up. I can take stress. With stress, i can perform better. I wanna over take the rest. Trying hard. Very hard.. I guess i am pushing myself way too much.

Life's been real hard for me. Not family wise, not financially. Those who knows will understand what i been through.. Currently yea, i am stressing myself for working full time and studying part time. Straining my time away. But i just wanna succeed earlier than others. Compared to those rich kids, i am inferior. To those smart ass, i am nothing. Why do you think i wanna push myself so hard? I am not doing a 9am-6pm type of job. In fact is 9am till after 6pm. After 6pm is no limits. 12am. 1am. 2am. The next day the routine continues. No ending. I got to say, i lost myself.

Watching Hot Shot. Kinda lame but then i guess i am way too bored. This show is a copy of the anime slam dunk. Even the character's behaviours. Something to drive our boredom away yea?

Lost at work today. My mind just can't settle down. Messages keep coming in. But it is never you. I wished your name will flash on the screen everytime i turn and look at the incoming. How strange.. This feeling is so strong. What is wrong with me? Everything was normal till one fine day. I choose not to say, because i knew you have better options around. I guess, as long as you are happy, that is all it matters.

Updates

2008-11-02T19:25:00.005+08:00

I lost the momentum to blog. Using busy as an excuse to cover up what i am lacking of. I am thinking of quitting my current job. I dont mind the long hours. Days when i got to work till nearly 1am from 9am. But is about the need to compromise my studies. Priority should be school then work. I am sick and tired to hear my boss telling me, "I am sorry you got to miss school today". "I am sorry for the hours". I am told, as an officer level, we are not entitled to overtime pay. Whenever we worked till the wee hours, the next day is kinda expected that some will be late. Yet my boss can say, "the management require punctuality from everyone". Now speaking of punctuality. I thought our official working hour is 9am-6pm? Maybe we can knock off punctually too? I know i can be such a workaholic. I can stay in office for more than 16hours without grumbling. But cant they be understanding? I know we got timing to meet. Cut off time. But as long as we finish our tasks, isn't that alright? Sometimes from morning till lunch time, i dont even have a chance to visit the washroom. To be frank, i love my job. I love the hectic life. I love the type of work i am engaging in. Just that.. Maybe i am too stress up.

Weekends were great. The at least once a week meet up with tyf. Not bad, this week 3 times. =) Meet up with the rest of the cliques. 2008, definitely a year of chaos. Oh ya, it is qian i saw that day in tampines mall. Catch up the next time you are back alright. Dont lose your handphone again. =)

I think this is weird for me. Is it an illusion? It is so real..
Can there be a sign? So that i know what to do?
This is really going to be tough..
What can i say?

Busy

2008-10-23T01:59:00.002+08:00

Will do an update soon ya. Really hell busy with work, school and friends. Mostly is work. I need rest. Needa sleep. I miss those days when i can sleep for more than 10 hours. I shall dedicate one day to do so!

Everyone, weekend is coming! Hang in there! =)

2008-10-14T00:43:00.002+08:00

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据

差一点骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

那一段我们曾心贴著心
(我想我更有权力关心你)
可能你已走进别人风景
多希望也有星光的投影

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

Party is over

2008-10-06T14:31:00.002+08:00

Done with the chalet. Not sure whether everyone enjoyed it or not. But i knew i tried hard ya.. Hate intruders with beers. Disrupt our party. Lol.. Tired.. I dunno whether i am doing the right thing. I know karma will strike back. But... I just cant stop.. I guess i just got to wait for it.

I want more outings with my cliques. Is such a joy to be able to meet up and do silly stuff. Just talking about ourselves, is enough to pass time.

Oh ya, happy two years my TYF! Haha..

Club this friday? Anyone?

"I might have my bads, but did i not give you my best? When i lost you, both of us lose out in this game of love. To me is because you were the one i loved the most. To you is because i was the one who loved and understand you the most. But from the two of us the one who lost more was you. Because i will be able to love others the way i loved you. But no one will ever love you the way I did. And when you miss me, remember, you let me go..."

Reality, the fact that i existed is the reason for your downfall.

Wrong, everything is so wrong.

2008-09-29T02:43:00.003+08:00

What can i say about my saturday.. Should i say fun or should i say something is wrong.. Perhaps perhaps i am really wrong.. Hold me back. I need a strong grip. Control me. "Dont you ever fall Alan! Dont you! Leave the evil realm while you can.." I am like living in a sphere. Limited yet trying to break free. I am speechless.. I got many why(s) that i cant explain. I have my dark side. But i am really trying hard.. You wont wanna know what you dont wanna know.

Every sunday is like my resting day. Other than church, i got nothing on. My schedule is totally packed. My time past so fast each week that i have difficulties catching my journey. I am being dragged by my life along the pathway of no return. I can feel my vitality being zap away bit by bit. I feel old. Whenever i quicken my pace, time move even more rapidly. Are we waiting for our time to be up? Is that how we are going to conclude our expedition?

Fantasies.. Dreams.. Illusions.. Too many to handle. Too much for me. I need a breather. I need a break. I need a getaway trip.

I took leave on this 30th sept for my sister's graduation ceremony. But i got to go back office in the morning to finish up some work. I cant even rest on leave day. At night having class. But am glad that wed is a public holiday. I felt so drained... Sometimes i dont wanna appear to be so strong. I want to be able to fall back too. Someone to confide in. Someone who will tell me that i will be ok. Someone to accompany me. Someone to give me the moral support i needed. Someone that i am willing to strive hard for. Someone i can dote on. Someone.. That someone...

I am shutting down. Right now.... Night..

By the way, please do take a look at this blogshop. They got nice items to shop for. =)
http://pink-amour.blogspot.com/

Wonderful wonderful wonderful!

2008-09-24T21:57:00.002+08:00

I was trying to entertain everyone alright. Dont be so mean... Lol..

Ok, i did a very lame thing by sending emails to those involved for this upcoming chalet. Haha..

Mei said: "Ok ok i have 2 things to tell you. First, =) the smile of mine that you want. Second, dammmm for attaching your photo."

Anna said: "Your photo is scary."

Joce said: "Hey that attachment is LAME!!"

Ernest Said: "HI OMGIMSOAHPPY TO RECIVE THIS INVITAION IM BE THER4 U MR ALANA ZHEONGGGGG. OMGWARD UR PICKTURE MAKEES MI HAWWWWNEEEEEEEEEEE." Ok i think what he trying to say is: "Hi omg i am so happy to receive this invitation. I am going to be there for you Mr Alan Zheng. Omg, your picture makes me horny." Lol.. Damn funny. Still the same. Always crap around. Ok let me clarify, his typing is on purpose. Haha..

Too stressed at work. So got to find victims for some disturbing sessions. =)

One good news, i am being offered a bank contract from my regional manager only after one month of work! I heard from my other colleagues they took at least 3-4 months to be offered the contract. I am proud of myself! Tomorrow morning going down the HR side at millenia tower for an interview. Everything is moving smoothly. I am glad with my progress this far.

I am so looking forward to the chalet. A major gathering ya! Come lets party! Love you guys! =)

Sleepless night

2008-09-18T02:04:00.004+08:00

Time like this always set the background for emotional roller coaster. I cant describe how i felt regardless of the flow of thoughts. Buried myself with work. Hoping that nothing exist at all. Been wanting to release myself. Realising the fact that is hard. A wrong move perhaps. Maybe i am really asking for it. Yes, i need my space. I need to heal. Even after so long... Is my regeneration inactive? Indeed it is true. Sometimes the feelings never really go away. I just got to learn to live with it. Oh comon, this is life. Just let me indulge in the pleasure of sorrows.

Market almost crashes if not for the intervene of federal government. Everyday is like hell busy. Funds are injected twice using federal reserve. After rescuing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, now is AIG's turn. The reluctancy to save Lehman Brothers might just serve as a warning to fellow investment banks. The lack of control by central bank, shows asymmetric of regulations. Current market situation just add on to my already hectic workload. Merrill Lynch sold their business to Bank of America while they are still worth the amount. Lacked of liquidity resulting in the funds being dislocated. Barclays bought over some assets of Lehman Brothers. How interesting. After taking up my degree in banking and finance, and of course the experience i received while working in the bank's investment side, all these just excite me. I am learning everyday. Absorbing everything that i manage to dig out. Asking anything that comes to my mind. Knowledges, experiences and a certification. Good luck for my future. =)

Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes just be an illusion.....

In love

2008-09-17T02:25:00.003+08:00

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment, you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.

While you are reading this page, if someone appears in your mind, then u are in love with that person.

Time and Love

2008-09-16T01:27:00.001+08:00

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived; happiness, sadness, knowledge, and all the others, including love.

One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the last possible moment. When the island was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help.

Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, " I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere."

Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel.
Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." "I can't help you", Vanity said, "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat."

Next, Love saw Sadness passing by.
Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now."

Then, Love saw Happiness.
Love cried out, " Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him. Love began to cry.

Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way.

Love realized how much she owed the elder.

Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?"

"It was Time", Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?", Love asked.

Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered,
"Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

Juno's

2008-09-10T13:15:00.003+08:00

Lunch at home again.

"I am losing faith in humanity... I guess i wonder sometimes if people ever stay together for good?"

"You mean like couples?"

"Yeah, like people in love... I just need to know if it is possible for two people to stay happy together forever, or at least for a few years."

"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That is the kind of person that is worth sticking with."

"How true, Juno, how true..."

Mundane

2008-09-08T00:44:00.002+08:00

Work, work, work, work and work. OT every single day. Stress when i am rushing for time. Hectic when everyone is running around to handle different countries investments. Great, Taiwan is given to me from this week onwards. From Indonesia, to China, then Singapore. Now plus Taiwan. Heavy workload. Idiotic derrick told me, "welcome to our world". Yea, entering into their forbidden zone.

Too tired from work to update on my Zouk and DblO nights. Clubbing.. I am getting so sick of it. I want to break free from this vicious cycle. Have not been to the cinema for nearly a month. Life-less creature. Work, school, nightlife. Semester one is ending soon. Straight away semester two will begin. Took leave on 30th sept.

I need an overseas trip. Even just genting will be nice too. Night..

一切从零开始

2008-08-31T21:47:00.003+08:00

在这一个冷清的夜晚, 抬头看看天. 你能看到满天星星, 还是一片灰暗? 世上的每一件事情, 都能改变一个人. 所谓星星之火足以燎原. 我发现在这漫长的路上, 我已经开始迷失了自己. 找不到该走的方向.

很多人跟我说: "人生在世短短几十年, 为何发愁?" 我会答说: "就因为短短几十年, 才应该珍惜身边的每一样事情! 为何要等到一切都消失了才回想起过去?"

我, 一直在过去的记忆里徘徊. 可能我比较念旧. 可能一切都是虚伪的. 也可能这都是我幻想的世界. 这些天我想了很久. 人一旦变了, 就很难再挽回. 勇敢的面对, 不是代表我无情, 而是希望你能过的更好. 是谁的错, 已经不再重要. 难道对与错在这个时候还是排在第一名? 残酷的现实, 我已接受. 每一天, 我都会牢牢记住, 那些难得的经验与回忆. 我已忘了我是如何一路走下去. 但是, 未来的道路, 我一定会自己去开创. 勇敢面对任何挑战, 接受命运的指引但同时也抵抗命运恶劣的安排.

Barrier

2008-08-28T00:52:00.002+08:00

Doubting myself. Wondering about everything and anything. To err is human. Where shall i draw my line? The invisible thin line exists. A warning sign that dictates our movements. What shall i do? What can i do? I am just an ordinary person you can find on the streets. Nothing fanciful, nothing unique. Look, just take a look at me. What can you see? Or perhaps, what will you see.....

Meet ups with stan and darren always bring about laughters and fun. The silly things we will commit ourselves into, and the willingness for silly acts. Slept for only 3 hours last night. Thanks to the both of them. Elaborating is futile.

Am i two sided? Two or more characteristics? If yes, enlighten me. Why did i became this way when i used to be that simple... Sometimes when i looked into the mirror, yes of course i saw myself. But, just felt different. Is a kind of connection i have with my old/hidden self. I can feel him there. Just that somehow, i cant get him out. I was told, life is beautiful. I was told, live life to the fullest. How do i know my life is at the fullest? Time well spent? Splurging? Maybe is a combination of many factors. Life lessons. A journey through. Welcome to my world....

Nights of events

2008-08-25T00:23:00.004+08:00

Wed Ot. Thurs OT. Fri OT.

Let me start from fri. I suddenly realised people always say TGIF. Truely understand the meaning now. =) OT as usual. But went to meet my friends for sushi session in terminal 2. I developed the WAYAS. There is a 三连冠. Haha.. You anna, dont everything also scare! Must be brave! Lol.. Ok, fri was not a good day. Something happen. Shall not elaborate.

Sat i believed at least i did something right by making the call. I think for long term sake, this will be a better choice. Ok, virgin trip to st james powerhouse. Never expect it to be that fun. Maybe is because of my group of friends. The crowd is wonderful too. We opened bottles so that we can get a table and seats. People present are, shalene, weiling, darren, joey, jenelle, rayna, cien, yvonne, esther, rina, raymond and justin. Still got pearl, merlyn and shalyn. Make 4 new friends. I think we shall change to powerhouse instead of dblO. Yesterday was full with drinks. Super high. Most of them went crazy. Dance the night away. =)

Real shag today. Skipped church session and cell group meeting. Slept my whole day away. But still spend quality time talking on the phone with xin. =) Watched love guru at home too. Quite lame but there are some meanings to the show. Just like, *If you are happy and you know it, think again.*

Work again tomorrow. I want friday again!

More than words from love guru

-Too nice doesn't get you to where you desire -

You

2008-08-20T23:39:00.004+08:00

I spent 30 minutes talking to you. Pouring out how i felt. My thoughts. My feelings. My emotions. Letting you have an idea of my world. My inner self. Saying out things i will never say to anyone else. Sharing woes like you are my soul mate. Telling you what is on my mind these days. You kept quiet throughout. Not even a word. At first i dont understand. But now i do.

It is because... You cease to exist in the first place...

Work, work and more work

2008-08-19T11:55:00.002+08:00

Just home from school. Seriously, work till evening then rush to school is kinda taxing. Imagine from 9am-10pm. 13 hours.. I am left with 11 hours to do my stuff and sleep. No life.

Yesterday my first day of work. Boring. Although my job scope is quite interesting, i still lazing around due to my newcomer status. But today is different. Maintained price for the whole day. Checking accuracy from the deals. All my colleagues take turns to teach me something. After that will throw a pile of work for me to do. Been busy. Actually thought of not going for lunch. But no harm for a quick one. Time = money in my department. Work cant be put aside first or leave it till the next day. Everyday there are different cut off timings to submit our tasks. Miss out on it, will result in severe effect. Is like doing live or being a dealer in the stock market. During certain time, you will see everyone panicking and moving around. Stress is written on their faces. We got to be quick. Close the deals before market cut off time. Gonna be a busy day tomorrow again. I like my work. At least for now.

Good night..

Work/Thoughts

2008-08-17T23:56:00.004+08:00

Went church today. Few weeks back, pastor rony was preaching about freedom. Before national day. Freedom of speech, freedom of rights, freedom of society. Kinda enjoyable listening to his thoughts and logics.

One example he quoted,
"Freedom came with safe boundaries. Without boundaries, the world became chaotic. Just like a train on a railway track. As long as it runs on the track, it is free to roam. We cant allow a train to run freely on the streets. Am i right?"

I think is time for me to post something meaningful.
Everything in the world require some restrictions. Especially in a relationship. Those who claimed that they want freedom are those chaos seekers. Freedom is normally accompanied by sacrifices. Think about it. When we were younger, we ask for freedom from our parents. With friends, we wanna freedom to talk about anything. In a relationship, we will ask for freedom to hang out with the opposite sex. Work time, freedom to give proposals and ideas. We humans, are constantly seeking for freedom. Is never enough. We can never be satisfy with what we got. Greed. One of the greatest sins at all times. We are made in this way that our wants are infinite. Just like a universe. No matter which way, you will never reach the end. Is impossible to return to the starting point. That is why after we experienced the pleasure of our wants, is difficult to backtrack to our original self. This is us, me and everyone. What can i say?

Enough of my thoughts above. First day of work tomorrow. Got to look presentable and fresh. Night everyone. Be grateful with what you got. Present assets might not sustain to future. Everything got their depreciation values. Some might just disappear through time........ May god bless the souls of the wounded.

Cesta

2008-08-15T14:39:00.002+08:00

Starting work on monday. Confirmed. So glad i passed the interview. Going school later. Anticipating a good working environment. Go through this 6 months, i will be able to strive for a better oportunity!

Went to see doc just now. Cant take my cough and sore throat anymore. Disturbing my sleep at night. The doc took a long time to examine. Each patient around 30mins. I know is like very caring of her to. But mine is just sore throat! Anti-biotics and cough syrup are enough. Dont need to check whole body.

Changed to this add for a few private reasons. Not gonna explain it here. Will be too long to type it out. Haha.. Thanks my friends. =)

Sushi please...

2008-08-14T14:47:00.004+08:00

Ok i think i stand a good chance for the job. Although there are other competitors vying for that post. I will know in a few days time. Have some confidence!

Met stan and joey after my interview. Stan came my house after that. We left before 8pm as we both got other programs. He, as always, gf first. Haha.. I went PS to meet xin for dinner. Pass her the present. Dinner at ajisen. =) I think you got to rest more. You look shagged.

School today again. Tomorrow too. Sian.. Suddenly feel like eating sushi although i just had it on national day with lyn. Ok, dont get mistaken. Lyn is not my ex gf. Ppl misunderstood that i keep going out with her after the break up. Lyn was looking at the way i eat cha soba. Instead of saying weird. She described it as unique. Haha.. Why everyone got something to say about how i hold chopsticks? I think that is how you distinguish people right? Distinctive ways that is individualize. That is me.

Anyone interested in eating sushi? Xin? Stan?

I wanna sing K. But my throat is giving up on me. Think i better pay a visit to a doctor first before i start work. Coughing in the office is not something pleasant.

Bless that i can outshine the others and secure this job!

Thanks for giving up on me first so that i can achieve this new life.
Thanks to everyone and everything.
Walked too far and too hard....

Interview

2008-08-12T16:23:00.002+08:00

Going school after this entry. Woke up really early. Around 8am. Recently i keep on waking up after a few hours. Cant seem to sleep much. I need my sleep!

Yesterday saw mich in tm when stan and me going up escalator. She stayed with us for a while cause she is alone. Then met ducky to pass her things. You owe me. =) Then went slack with stan. But i wanna go home earlier cause feeling drowsy. Reached home immediately KOed.

I just received a call for interview! Finally.. Tomorrow going down to citibank! Wish me luck ok. Out..

Happy Birthday Xin!

2008-08-11T19:26:00.005+08:00

Just got home. Supposed to meet xin for her birthday but i cant make it on time. Sorry ya.. Make it up tomorrow ok. =)

Hey ducky, you really owe me a lot. Everytime ask me help you this and that. Still want me to bring over to you. Now say OT cant make it on time. Tsk.. Meeting stan later. He said he miss me. What rubbish.. I cant even feel the sincerity. Must be jiahui not around that is why miss me. What an ass.. Ok, still got to wait for ducky to come tamp meet me first. Think she should be coming soon..

Oh ya, that day went ikea with xin, saw a baby. "Hairy" baby. I got pictures to show!

See, this is what i meant by hairy.. She keeps on yawning throughout the journey. Babies also easily tired? Without doing anything? Hmmm...

Tsz shan.. Where are you.. MIA? Stucked in a tub of food? Got lured by chicken wings? Got chained for stealing noodles? Come back!

Happy birthday to xin! May you be blessed with a life filled of happiness! See you tomorrow. =)

PND

2008-08-10T22:24:00.006+08:00

Busy sunday.

Recap yesterday. Meet up with lyn at amk. Supposed to go hub for a movie or chilling session. Ended up she wanna go town area to look for her japanese friend and to see fireworks. So we went to cityhall and slowly make our way to singapore flyer. We did not take the flyer. Just standing nearby, waiting for the finale. Lyn knows her way very well around town. Due to her previous job as a tour guide. Interesting.. Darren pop by as he is nearby involving in the NDP. His motive is actually to take photos with the show girls at the sports car exibition! He got me to take for him as he is wearing army uniform and not allowed to. My area cant see the fireworks very clearly. B.S bridge is blocking our sights. I hate the crowds. I dislike the suffocated feelings. Lyn intro-ed her two friends to me. Felicia and jian ming. New friends again. =) Accompanied them for dinner in bugis. After that went our seperate ways.

So that concludes my day..... Nah... Still got other programs!

Joined another group of friends in orchard. Wanna go down st james cause xin ask me over. So i persuaded them to go. We decided to go over later as they wanna eat first. But when we are about to go, xin said she is going home already. So i told them cancelled. Lol.. Slacked around then home. Around 4am. God bless Singapore. Marching into our 43rd year, a more prosperous nation.

Today was spend with darren. Went vcd shop to return what he borrowed. That vcd shop auntie still remembers me. Then to my usual bubble tea shop during poly days. Mango smoothie. Went over to joanna house to pass her the present. Supposed to give her yesterday but no time. Owed her for very long. Sorry ya "you anna". Lol.. Darren suggested mahjong. Rejected cause not very keen. Perhaps this weekend.

Calm. Free. A tranquil life. My life.

Pictures

Video

Eve, eve of national day and the day

2008-08-09T08:23:00.015+08:00

Back home around 4am plus. Cant sleep. Too awake.

Meet up with eve at coffee club in clarke quay. Got to know a new friend, eve's best friend, alesia. Sat down have some drinks then a mini birthday cake for her. Sang birthday song too. I think most friends of mine dont know who is eve. Clarke quay was hell packed yesterday. Because of 080808 or due to MOS is there. Or perhaps both. Chatted till 1am then decided to walk around. Went khandi bar next. Ordered lychee martini, seabreeze and singapore sling. I thought it will be nice to try singapore sling on national day. Patriotic right? Took lots of pictures. Mostly are in their cameras. Had fun and different perspective of clarke quay now. Got quite a good conversation going on between us. Alesia invited me to join them for dragonfly on 23rd. Well, the 3 of us are able to click. =)

Finished watching never back down. This show is great. Very nice. I should have watch it in the cinema long ago. Meeting lyn later in the afternoon. Starting to feel tired now. Guess i got to catch up on my sleep. Hibernate for days will be excellent.

Happy national day to all!

Pictures

Eve and Alesia

Drinks

The walk way

Happy birthday in advance!

2008-08-08T15:26:00.002+08:00

This morning meet xin for breakfast at mac. After that accompany her to ikea to shop for some decorations and furnitures for her hostel room. To make it more lively. Now feeling kinda sleepy. Still got to go school later. Oh man... Later at night meeting eve for her birthday. I shall go rest for a while. =)

Happy birthday orange

2008-08-07T22:26:00.000+08:00

Ok, wed went dblO to celebrate darren's birthday and stan's official ORD. Booked a table for 10. Met quite a few friends there too. Birthday boy was down. Starting to act weirdly after my 5 secs of black label and 2 waterfalls. Lol.. The most funny thing is, the table beside us also got one birthday girl. So they requested taking photo with darren. But darren started puking into the jug! They still took photos together but with darren puking and the girl pointing thumbs down at him. Haha.. Happy birthday to you mr orange. Shalene and weiling went back earlier as they have work the next day. The crowd was great. Dance floor was fun. =) I dont understand why i got dao pok by stan and his friends when i already ORD for quite some time. I was lying down to escape from some you know what. Suddenly darren shouted dao pok. Then everyone came crashing down on me. Not once but twice. Though stanley got it later too. I think clubbing that day was enjoyable. Relaxing and having fun. Went home with stan, darren and michelle. There are more happenings here and there. But kinda lazy to blog it out. That stupid anna never join us. Instead sit at the other side with her friends. Make me keep walking over. Ok la, dont blame you. Got friend to take care of. Please dont make her drunk again. So that you can join me!

Went interview with stan today. First to raffles standard chart building then to international plaza. Rejected both offers. Actually the second one is quite good. Stan is going for it. But i cant do shift work due to my studies. Minimum of 2.4k per month with just my diploma. After 1 year will receive variable bonus of 4-7 months. After 2 years will be management level. After that went for dinner at tampines mall. Supposed to meet xin. But she reach home too late. So is better for her to rest.

Friday will be school day and meeting eve after class. Night..

Events

2008-08-06T07:35:00.003+08:00

Finished sending resume to more banks and agencies. This week kinda busy. Gonna sleep after this.

Sun went church. Finally decided to join the cell group officially. Be part of them. Youth group. This week gonna attend meeting.

I wanna go holiday. Hongkong? Should i?

Meet up with xin again for seoul garden at causeway point. Because is nearer for her. We shared almost similar taste for food. How nice. =) After that went for a show. The X-files : I want to believe. Just very average. But is better than what i expected. I believe will be nicer than mummy although i did not watch that. So basically, i covered all shows currently available. Got to wait for...

Journey To The Center Of The Earth
Meet Dave
The Love Guru
Babylon A.D.

Blockbuster month is over. Cant expect much too. Decided to go jurong point so that is easier for her to go back hostel. Went arcade. Played the basketball thing, bishi bashi, daytona and mario-kart. I dont know she can play house of the dead 4. Amazing.. Went to shop for some groceries at ntuc. The crowd was horrible. Tampines mall is so much better. Took a cab back to her hostel. NTU was having hall bash. Buses are there to pick students to zouk. How happening.. Glad that she is not a party girl. =) Home after everything.

Mum woke me up in the morning. Saying my auntie called and asked for help. She sounded very sick. So we quickly rushed over by cab. She cant even walk. Got no choice but to enlist the help of ambulance. Escort her to cgh and register for admission as the doctor requested for further examination. Hope she is feeling better now. Gonna go visit her later.

School as usual. Forgot to do homework. Ended up copy min's so that i can hand it in! Lol.. After school met michelle to go home together. Went for late dinner at prata shop. Tried new pratas. Prata aaloo and prata sms. I think is still alright. Edible.

Ok gonna go sleep now. Tonight still got to celebrate darren's 23rd birthday! I like this new friend man. Funny, irritating but of course a very nice person. DblO is the place. Expecting many friends there tonight from what i know of! =) Let the party starts!

Recollection

2008-08-01T17:44:00.007+08:00

Let me do a brief update.

Been watching movies recently. Dark knight, red cliff, money no enough 2. These shows are really worth watching. I almost teared when watching money no enough 2. Almost.. Lol..

Weekdays are still school days. Dark knight was with shalene and weiling at marina square. Met up with lyn at marina square again on monday for red cliff. Both are wonderful shows and lasted around 2.5 hours. Money no enough 2 was with xin. Actually i dont really support singapore show. To me, is just a waste of time and money. But this time round, i changed my opinion. This show is indeed fantastic. Hell touching.

Yesterday swimming then go over to ryn's house. Just to take a last look at my hamsters before she give it away. After that xy came to pick me up. I went ikea next to buy some food for xin. Hope you are feeling better. =)

Yesterday, jiahui hits the bulleye. She can totally say out what am i thinking of and why am i feeling turn off. Total turn off. Might be misunderstanding. But i still felt kinda disgusted. I just cant bear to listen. Just let it run through will do.

Congrats to xiao ming for ORD ya. I got a swimming partner! Perhaps i can stop being that lonely from now onwards.

I really think we should start hanging out since 5 years ago. Why only till now? Haha.. You can do better. Xin.

Test tomorrow. I am not ready. Wish me good luck.

Oh ya, rainie just reminded me to be careful when going out till late. Today is first day of 7th month. Although i am not superstitious, just wanna remind everyone out there. Haha.. 7th month to me is just any ordinary day. I dont even on lights at night even if i am alone. Lets just remain netural.

Square root 3

2008-07-25T01:45:00.003+08:00

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight,
Beneath the vicious square root sign

I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
With just some quick arithmetic

I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this i see,
Another square root of three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply

To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
And with the wave of magic wands,
Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

我害怕自己会一直是个寂寞的3的平访根

只有3才是美好和正义
为什么我的3就只能低头躲在恶劣的根号下面

我真希望我是9
因为9可以通过算数方法而被完整的开放

我知道我永远都看不到太阳
只能等于1.7321
虽然不合理
但是这是现实

有一天我看到了
另一个根号3

我们一起翩翩起舞
我们乘在一起

终于快乐的组成了
我们朝思暮想的整数

我们摆脱了命运的枷锁
然后用命运的魔术棒
把我们平方根的标志洗去
我又重新找到了爱情

My links

2008-07-24T02:33:00.004+08:00

Just home after prata with ting. Saw jani manning the stall. Then i suddenly remember the whole shop belongs to his mum.

I am left with two more days. What should i get for this sat? Headache. Cracking my brain for a surprise birthday for her. Hmm hmm.. Suggestions anyone? I am not good at handicraft! Tomorrow shall go order a cake first. Ideas, i need ideas!

I want to watch red cliff.. Any takers? You can have me for the day. I promise to be entertaining alright. =)

I suddenly miss those days with my group of poly cliques.
Stanley, ernest, maybeline, suyi, jessie, serene, jacquline. The fun days man.. All the shitty and happenings. Been through so much together. The secrets we shared.
I also miss the group of siaolian, tingting, shuhui, ci en, chris, joey. Great company.
Another group will be shalene, michelle, cheryl, joanna, jocelyn. This is my maersk and fyp group. There are more to this group but some are also in tingting's group.

Secondary school who do i miss?
Wenwen, huilin, connie, yingning, xiuting, sijia, kenneth, xianyang. My CO and trouble making partners! Ok, mostly is i create problems and they join in. Haha..

Although most of them still do meet up, i just wanna say, i miss all my friends!

2008-07-21T21:25:00.007+08:00

Ok, i am getting impatient. I approached another agency under the recommendation of lyn. Shall see who offers a better and efficient service. Maybe i should call and hurry the other agent. I need a job badly.. Although i am like enjoying my life now. Deep down i felt so bad staying at home with nothing much to do. Time wasting. I dont wanna be like the past, slacked so much and accomplish nothing. Everyday is about eat, sleep and play. Now is different already. Constructive please!

Ok, got to go do my tutorial now.

雨后总有晴天,
就算再大的狂风暴雨,
乌云也永远遮不住温暖的太阳

2008-07-21T04:32:00.002+08:00

Ok dinner was great with amanda. Took a cab over to reservoir view to fetch her. After that went 85 market for stingray as she got the craving for it. Nice long hair ar ducky. Haha.. Stingray, clams and porridge. You know actually i am surprised that you still remember i dont like spring onion! Thanks for moving it aside. =) But hey i am nice too alright. At least you dont need to peel off the skins of the stingray. After that we decided to walk back. Luckily i still remember the way. Crossed the overhead bride and headed back. She did something crazy la! Still tell me you are much more daring than the past. I can see that. Haha.. Send her home first before i flag for a cab. Ikea trip soon alright. Thank god we shared similar taste for food! Ikea!

Darren asked for a mahjong session. But i dont wanna go out till late again. Dont wanna irritate my mum. She already got so pissed off at me yesterday after i came home from club. Because i was puking. Empty stomach. I think i woke everyone up. But just now she still called me and wanna get something light for me since she knew i am not feeling well. Although my mum's temper is kinda nasty, she still loves me the most! How much more can i ask for? Sweet right? Thank you! I do love you too. Even though i always cant help but to bicker with you. =)

Alright i am tired now. Night everyone.

2008-07-20T15:24:00.002+08:00

DblO yesterday night. Club again. Should never drink with an empty stomach. Not having dinner was bad. I wont try this again. Torturing. Actually i think yesterday was fun. But got to cut down on clubbing.

I think lyn is real sweet. I was just kidding about buying dinner for me yesterday night. She cant make it as she was with her friend. So today i went to see her blog, she posted an entry to apologise. Shall copy only two sentences.

"He ended up not having his dinner, and there i was having a good time with my friends. I am not being silly, just a natural feeling of guilt"

Oh man.. Thanks for being sweet. Felt loved. Lol...

Ok, since i am free now, not booking in anymore and jobless, i shall cook meals! Starting from tomorrow. Anyone wanna come over and eat? Haha..

Alright, going out tonight to bedok 85. Eh ducky, you view yet not tagging? Thanks ar.. Remember the ikea trip i tell you! It is you who complain about marine parade is far from tampines! Eh stay with xie yi more often la. Nearer. Lol..

2008-07-19T12:20:00.003+08:00

Just woke up. Suddenly jump up as i thought i am late for school. Ok i am bad yesterday, i left class earlier to go club. Zzz.. I am too sleepy to continue the lesson anyway. On the cab to DblO then suddenly change location to phuture. Phuture was a blast yesterday night. The girls there are really hot. My friends keep on tackling girls. Hugging one after another. Girls nowadays are super easy eh? Their dress sense are like top lower bottom higher. Getting more and more revealing.

I am so tired that i wanna leave early. So when i was leaving with one of my friend, we saw a girl drunk and fell down. Although her friends helped her up, she still cant stand straight. She is the highlight yesterday. Wore a super low bare back which guarantee her the permit of not wearing a bra. So her two pieces of cloth in front shifted place when she fell. Ended up exposing her whole breasts in front of all the crowds. Let me repeat myself. Is the whole breasts with nipples and everything. Is not in the club when is so dark. Is outside of zouk with all the lightings! Everyone was staring at her for a good 3 mins. She did not even notice. Her friends also blurred and admiring her pairs at the same time. Zzz.. Wondering anyone took picture. After she found out, she was so embarrassed that she hug her chests throughout. I can see from her face la, totally humilated. After a while she disappeared. I think she went home. Not bad ar, free entry for me and free show. I am not trying to make fun of her. But i seriously felt that she deserves it. Firstly, do you need to wear till so revealing? Secondly, why dont you just wear a bra?? Thirdly, no one ask you to get drunk. Fourthly, you trusted the wrong friends. What a night.

Alright going to school soon. Tired.. But got to force myself. Studies more important.

Suddenly thought of eating the meatballs and chicken wings in ikea.. I forgot when is the last time. This is something normal friends wont be always willing to do with me. Sian..

Ok last but not least, ORD LOR! Everyone must say this sentence when they finish NS! Tradition. Haha...

2008-07-18T02:25:00.000+08:00

Finally able to meet yixin. Dinner was great. Lots of things to chat about. Walked over to her house area in less than 10mins. Super near la. Ate bar chor mee. Meet more often ar xin. =)

Collecting my pink IC! Like finally. Serve with passion eh.. There are times serve until depression. Haha.. But whatever it is, a good experience in NS.

After collecting IC need to go school. After that maybe club. But dont really feel like clubbing. I feel like watching red cliff.. Zzzz..

I can smell the freedom now! Haha.. ORD lor!

2008-07-15T16:23:00.003+08:00

Overslept, missed my medical appointment. Shit.. Got tons of questions to ask about my ankle due to some problems. Heck.. ORD is not a good thing after all. Got to pay my own medical fees!

3 days. Final countdown. We tiny we looney, we all the little tooney. Dadada dadada dadadadadadada. Ok i am bored.

Red cliff... My red cliff.. I haven watch it yet! I can miss any shows but this! Comon guys.. Red cliff!

I am still sleepy.

Ok someone is irritating me. I received a missed call and i called back. He/she dont wanna pick it up. So i message who is this. Here is the conversation.

Me: "Hi, who is this?"
Him/her: "Sorry."
Me: "Sorry? Who are you?"
Him/her: "You know me one la."
Me: "Hmm.. I dont have your number. What is your name?"
Him/her: "When my grandmother come, i sometime go to your home."

I was like wtf... Your grandmother come what has it got to do with me?? But i suddenly thought of my younger cousins.

Me: "My cousin? Name? Which one?"
Him/her: "Never mind."
Me: "Cant you say your name??"

Zzz.. Is it so hard to even tell people your name? How am i gonna know.. Then i received a picture. Is my cousin. -_- After that she keep sending message over.

Her: "You know who is this?"
Her: "Yi ting"
Her: "You keep on saying me pig when i was young."
Me: "Oh, next time say your name la. You call me for?"
Her: "Never mind."
Her: "You know me la so please stop asking me la."
Me: "Not funny."
Her: "I know."

-_- Ok, i was typing all these while waiting for the replies. Too bored. Super bo liao la. Waste my time. I was super amazed by her. How in the world i know who is she with an unknown number and she refusing to tell me her name. Lol.. Holy.. Nowadays everyone is so weird. Ok got to admit i was a bit irritated. Lol..

Ok got to go out soon. Shower now.

2008-07-15T03:40:00.002+08:00

Monday blues.. Although to be frank, i did nothing constructive for the whole day.

Mich came over find me after she finish school. Have dinner and some desserts. Slacked till 10pm then went for supper near her house. Prata shop. Still got to search for durians as she got cravings for it at that hour. After supper accompany her to the agency to drop her pay check. Oh ya, saw her dad today.

Medical appointment again tomorrow. After that maybe meeting tszshan then go school eat dinner with lian before meeting the rest for lesson.

Tired and sleepy now. Shall go take a nap. Night..

2008-07-13T20:38:00.002+08:00

Just came home from JB. The hotel is quite good. But did not manage to use the bathtub. Too tired. I wanna use bathtub.. I think the stay is worth it. Comfortable. Kind of relaxing. Next time shall explore more areas and further up. Chill in the night. Thought of going to the Go-kart area. But closed down. Disappointing. Go JB what is the one thing you cant miss? Feast! Seafood craze. Is way too cheap. Bought crabs and some food back for my sister. Gums for mich. Did not manage to shop though. We took a malaysia car back. Paid the driver and he send all of us home.

Superwoman

The starting is real touching.
我擦了地板
换上新鲜的花, 洗了衣服
还帮你换了新的沐浴用品
你看了就会知道
家里的水费电费和电话费
还有你的停车费我都缴了
晚餐做好了, 放在冰箱里
你只要微波一下就能吃了
Where can we find such a girlfriend? In the shows perhaps. Lol.. Just by the amount of sweetness, she is already wow..

我真的好爱你
爱到就快要看不到我自己了
This statement kinda suggest my past. Loving one person too much till the extend of forgetting oneself. Forgotten that i should be nice to myself too. That is a terribe mistake i guess. But at least i am loving myself now. Knowing how to pamper myself and enjoy.

The ending part is very meaningful.
你到底是爱我还是爱你自己.
I guess there are lots of people out there selfishly love themselves more than their partner. Life.. Never will be fair.

I am waiting for replies!

2008-07-12T04:21:00.002+08:00

Just got home. Tired, felt slight giddy and sleepy. No matter what i do, i just felt the emptiness in me. The hole that cant seems to fill up. Why is it so.. I am tired of clubbing. Tired of drinking. Tired of everything. Can someone please step in and tell me whatever i am doing is wrong? Can someone just control the devil in me? Let me be back to a normal being once again? Will you be the one that i will submit to?

2008-07-11T04:51:00.001+08:00

菊花台

Dont know why, suddenly i am addicted to this song. I like the mv a lot. Sad ending though. Been going out often recently. With different people/groups.

Bad experience with one girl. I felt disgusted to even talk about it. Just dont understand how can a girl talk and behave this way with such an open mindset? Zzz...

Oh ya, later meeting winnie. What scandal. Idiot..

Stanley low, you shall be disappointed! =D

Shan, message me when you see this. Dont STM i tell you. If not no more food for you! Haha..

Still waiting for replies from banks. Hope to secure a good job. After 3-4 years of experience plus degree, might be able to apply overseas post. Hope everything will continue to be smooth sailing.

Next friday going back collect IC. Pink IC. Finally.. Time pass too fast. Very soon another year will be over. More than half of 2008 have passed. Do i have any regrets in this year? What about you?

2008-07-09T18:41:00.003+08:00

After a swim felt so much better. Cleared my thoughts. Should i go mambo tonight? Doubt so i guess.. Kinda tired.

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.
Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

Indeed, i am enslaved only if i allow myself to. I actually dislike restrictions. Dislike being tie down by one. I do not like someone to tell me i cant do this or that. I cant go this place, i cant meet this person. I am not those you can flip me around easily. But i am willing to bow down to the correct person wholeheartedly, forgetting and ignoring that i am actually the opposite. Contradicting? Maybe that person is my satan. Just like i actually shut down and restricted my ownself for the past 4 years. But look at me now, how different am i? Someone tame me will you? I am tired of walking alone..

I am hungry.. I refuse to budge to my food temptation. Send my resume to different banks already. Awaiting for replies. Hope i can get into a good pay job. Then i can buy a car within 6 months of work with some savings. Can drive to school for my night classes too. Everything is moving very smoothly for me till now. So i should expect some hipcups somewhere.

One thing that i am upset about is i got to postpone my trip due to my timetable. I cant afford to miss 4 days of class every week. Especially is the same subject. If not i wont be able to catch up and take my exam. There goes my itinerary. Wasted so much time researching and asking around. Waste my money too. Anyone needs a detailed plan for vietnam can approach me. =)

Faith. Abandon the past, look to the future. I know i will have my place somewhere.

2008-07-09T03:17:00.003+08:00

Is it a must for us to share a common view on everything?
Is it a must not to squabble?
Is it a must for no arguements?
Is it a must to think that you really cant bring your point across to me?
Is that really true or misunderstanding occurs?
Is it even a need to get pissed over such minor incident?
Is it so hard to even control your own temper?
Is it everything must be that perfect with little or no flaws?

2008-07-09T02:31:00.001+08:00

Oh ya, i remember one thing. I wanna say this. I saw a kid smoking in bugis. He is like around 8 years old max? Yet i saw him lighting and smoking! Horrible! But whatever. Shall not bother so much.

School was ok today. Kinda tedious.. Not as easy as i thought. So today weimin sat with us. Her gpa is like 3.61. Holy.. Then daphne was asking where am i in the LT. Lol.. Saw yida too. More familiar faces. That is good.

Next lesson will be on sat. I need a swim badly. Shall go at 8am. Once the pool is open.

Thanks tszshan for understanding me. Thanks for comforting me. Even you understand.. Faster go sleep. Stop saying you drank milo so awake now. You did more than enough. =)

I just dont want to be like any other guys who tried acting like they understand you and agreeing to what you said. I just dont want to act... Why am i being affected by this...

2008-07-08T14:06:00.003+08:00

Let me recap. Sunday went sing with ting. F and D. Lol... I think you should know what i am talking about.

Yesterday after swimming went home to slack before going out again. Met eve and pass her the discs. Chatted for quite long and late in meeting the guys at boat quay. Only reach the pub at 12am plus. It felt good to be able to talk so long with her. She matured so much. She said she saw me for quite a few times but dont dare to approach me in the past. Because my ex was around. Lol.. But i am glad we can meet up like before again. =)

Oh ya, yesterday i took a cab to boat quay. The driver missed the exit and blabbered something which i cant understand after i told him about the route. Most people will just go pissed off cause he make a detour. Wasting time and money. To be frank, starting i was a bit irritated. Because i talk to him and he ignored me. Only like chanting to himself about stuff. But slowly, i starting to realised, it is because age is catching up on him. He cant think and talk well anymore. That is when i started pitying him. There are twice he almost got into accident if the car never honk him. He is about 70plus years old. Still driving taxi. Feeling sad for him, i kept quiet through out the journey. Upon reaching, the total charges is $20 plus. He told me to give him $14 will do as that is the normal charge to reach boat quay. But i insisted in paying the full sum. Just felt bad if i pay any lesser. Up till now i am still glad i paid in full. =)

Today starting school! Totally not excited. Got to travel all the way to clementi then back. Haha.. But is only 2 years. Since my second year is part time, i will be finding a job as a banker. Eve asked me to join her company as they are still in need of staffs. But she also gave me her agent number so that i can be expose to other options. I think i shall consider applying for her company. Hope they dont judge experience!

Now gonna go out for my medical appointment. After that will be school. Alright, that will be all. One more thing, yesterday i did not get drunk. The one real high is not me. Haha.. Out.

2008-07-07T20:19:00.002+08:00

Felt so much better after a swim. I have an affair with the pool. I love swimming nowadays. =) Out now.. Shall continue later..

Hely

2008-07-05T20:05:00.002+08:00

Sorry! I am feeling real sorry about that. Thanks for taking care of me. Thanks for sending me home. Sorry if i troubled you guys. I know i was wasted yesterday. I dont even know how and when i got home. Thanks stanley for sending me back and you missed going over to her house. My bad.. Drink drank drunk. Too drunk this time. I know i puke. That is very seldom for me. Just not feeling good yesterday night. I wanna a drink drank drunk once and for all thing. Feeling much better already. The bad part is i sprained my ankle again. My surgery ankle.. Now swelling up. Got problem walking. Sian..

The whole day having hang over. Got asked to go zouk tonight. But rejected. Shitty shalene. Tempt me with those jap girls. Lol.. Or perhaps i should go over. Haha.. Yesterday i got to know a new friend. She is emo yesterday too. Great, now got one more person to chill or club with. =)

Alright, this is it. This song is nice. Shall share it.

空缺

当你关上了门离开这个房间
关上了仅有的光线只剩想念
我还感受到温柔的幻觉
月亮的背面写满了我们的细节

我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言
开成了一座遗憾的花园
也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街
你才会发现我留下的空缺

就当作我们不熟练不够周全
就当作我们追不上彼此改变
我以为能完美写下句点
时间在后面遥控了所有的情节

我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言
开成了一座遗憾的花园
也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街
你才会发现我留下的空缺

幸福需要的磨练我们都误解成搁浅
活在想象的明天忘了今天未完结

我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言
开成了一座遗憾的花园
也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街
你才会发现我留下的空缺

我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言
开成了一座遗憾的花园
也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街
你才会发现我留下的空缺
没有人能完全填补的空缺

Desfeito

2008-07-04T02:35:00.004+08:00

Just came home from a movie again.. Been watching lots of show recently. Out with mich to ehub. Been meeting her so often that it seems like a routine. This time round was "the strangers". Is just a cheap production with plain brutal killings and torturings. Waste time to watch it. I wanna watch hancock and chi bi. Anyone wanna ask me to tag along or ask me out?

I drank at home as i am feeling... I cant describe it. Almost.. I almost.. Control. Control! Control!! Kinda tipsy now. Might not know what i am typing. But i will edit it tomorrow after i reach home. Hope i dont type something funny though. P.s: I am still awake and know what am i doing. =)

I seriously think my blog is very exposed. Of course i am glad my friends bother to read up about my life. But there are even unknown people reading it. Thinking of making it private or change the blog address. Any suggestions? Or is there anyone interested to continue reading? Let me know so maybe i can send you an invite if i ever make this private.

My eyes are closing on me now.

I got a decision to make. Should i or should i not? If i ever make this decision, i cant turn back or perhaps is i wont want to. My mind is in a mess!!

Someone told me this. "You seems like an angel whom my late grandma sent to me". I was quite shocked and surprised hearing this. Been such a long time since i felt being appreciated. Actually got praised and felt wanted. I never or seldom experience this in the past. Know how i felt? Imagine a lonely child whom always try hard and constantly wanna recognition. But always receive nothing but biased treatment. Suddenly someone pat him on his back and being the only one recognising his good points. The emotional roller coaster inside of me just went havoc. I yearn for someone to understand and realise everything i did, came right from my heart with no other motives. Someone who dont view me with "coloured specs".

To be updated..

Continuing

Just read through what i type yesterday. Lucky for me that i did not make a fool out of myself.

Thanks ting. Thanks for listening to me yesterday in the middle of the night! Really thanks for the call. Thanks for willing to stand by me. Thanks for everything.

I dont even know when and how i fell asleep. But woke up late for camp. But they dont really care anymore cause i going to ORD. Today is my last day till my official ORD date. My next and last book in will be on the 18th of july. Offs and leaves till ORD! I did not expect that. Guess they are trying to reward me? =)

Sometimes i hate myself for being sentimental. I think that friends always have a distance physically and of course mentally. Call me conservative if you guys like. But at least by being conservative, i dont cheat.

I guessed recently i fell into a state of confusion. After the last message today, i finally woke up. Before that i told myself that maybe one last try to spend a bit more time to listen and see how things goes. Maybe can use a night to listen. But i got disappointed. Ok, is just about myself setting the rules inside my mind. Not going = i give up. That is what i thought of before getting the reply. Kinda tired with the mind games. So ya, things just got clearer for me. Stop those illusions and weird dreams. I dont wanna care anymore. Enough said. I going out party now!

谢谢你曾让我难过
谢谢我没有想太多
是你先放开我的手
已经没有勇气再牵起你的手
心碎成了沙漠
面对你的时候
我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客

Segadus

2008-07-03T03:32:00.002+08:00

10 promises to my dog. This is one of the rare shows to touch my heart. People like me who dont cry in cinema actually can feel the sadness pushing my tears out. Of course i did not drop any. But got the urge to wet my eyes. Watched it with ryn. Dinner at ding tai feng. The xiao long bao is not bad but is sinful to eat so many. So i shall control. =) Meet up after so long. Is quite normal but it just felt kinda weird. After movie, chatted a while. Talked about our past, going ons and some others. Cant say i agree to everything because i have a mind of my own. But i do agree in some of the topics. Males and females always think differently. It is possible to try and understand each other. But that takes a huge effort. And it is impossible to truly understand what the other party feels. That is why i believe giving in factor will need to be in when the time comes. Is all about give and take, efforts, understanding and respect.

Did not club yesterday. Instead went to sing. This sat might be singing too. Friday perhaps also can go sing? Lol..

I dont know why. But even though i added on colours to my life. Met so many other new friends. At the end of the day, i felt so empty. Like nothing interest me. I just cant find someone who makes me wanna go the extra mile. Maybe when one is too hurt, it deprives me the rights to love again.

-All i wanna do is find a way back into love-

I think i am too crazy. Always been doing things that people will proclaim as madness. What am i turning into? Anyone stop me? I dont used to be this way...

还隐隐作痛的一颗心提醒我爱是毒药
我也很困扰虽然喜欢你的微笑
可我害怕付出了真心却什么都得不到

Retten

2008-07-02T15:49:00.002+08:00

Recently, my body refuses to obey me. When i wanna stay awake, i will suddenly fall asleep even on the chair. But when there are times i really want to sleep early, i just cant... What is the talk about heart, soul and mind when i cant control any?

Yesterday went tm for dinner and movie with mich. Wanted is nice! Right now then i realised angelina jolie is super hot. Bullets that curve. Life is ever changing. Right now you can be who you are. But you never know, the next second, things change and you will never be able to go back to what you are. But i dont really fancy the ending of the show. Maybe not what i wanted. Highly recommend this show. The stunts are fantastic although is kinda exaggerating.

Went mac after that. Search around for tour next week since i am on leave. Planning on a short getaway. But too short to go bangkok. Hmmm... Reach home nearly 4am.

Got asked to go club tonight. Ladies night.. Let me think about it later.

- Kill one, save a thousand -
Are you willing to go that far?

Kaitse

2008-06-30T02:38:00.002+08:00

I woke up suddenly. Feeling upset. Anxiety kicks in.

I had a nightmare. A dream i cant explain. Is it because i care too much? Or is it due to the fact it actually meant a lot to me? What are the possibilities? Should i plot a graph? Should i calculate? Why am i waking up at such an unearthly hour? Why am i dreaming about something that i should never be involve in? Did i make the wrong move? Dreams are reality check that is tormenting me. Nightmare is a continous effect that dreams lure me into. Is it because i am in a mess? Created additional problems to my current complicated life? That is why i can never be at ease?

This is the time i should sit down and think. Is this what i want? Should i follow shalene's thinkings? Should i agree to shalene's? A peaceful night yet here i am, wondering about stupid stuff like this.

Look at me, dont you find it amusing the way i am going? I am confident about my future. Just that sometimes is just about the mind, heart and soul. I got to protect myself. Ok, speaking about this, i realised what a mess i am getting myself into. Everything shall stop here. I cant and i wont. Easier said than done yea? But who cares? It is just me, myself and i... =)

Hulluna

2008-06-29T15:04:00.004+08:00

Clubbing yesterday was crazy! All hell break loose. You wont wanna know. A very crazy and wild night.

Merlions everywhere. In and out. Walk anywhere also can go "Wah~". Lol.. I remember i was in the toilet relieving myself. Then a girl walks in. Zzz.. I did not notice until she pass by me. Is like wth.. She is drunk and went to the wrong toilet la. Still able to use the cubicle in the guy's restroom and after that walk out smiling. She only noticed she is in the wrong area when washing hands. Lol.. But she still takes it very easy and adjust her clothes in front of the mirror. Still got the time to touch up on her hair. Girls nowadays.. Speechless..

I dont know.. I really dont know.. What can i say...

Should not drink so much. Was just like emo-ing. So i just down glass after glass. =)

Eh amanda ho. Thanks for being so nice and sweet. I was quite surprised by you. You are the first girl who will come pick me up if i am drunk. Even though you did not join me, you still willing to go the extra mile. Thanks..

Ok miss winnie. Sorry la chen lao shi. Chen zhen wen~ Sorry alright.. Forgive me~ I did not meant to fly you plane. I am not a pilot.. Accept my public apology ok. =( I will make it up to you. Just let me know. Lao shi should not be small air! Haha..

Blessing in disguise. Is that supposed to be true? There are too many things going on now. I dont know whether i can handle or not. But if this is the path i should take, i will walk it till the end.

Ansiedade

2008-06-28T13:18:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was atrocious. Skipped breakfast and lunch just to do my task. The whole day been rushing. Still got to inspect arms. I already expected my book out timing will be quite late. Sian.. Slogged like a dog. Monday still got to do more!

Booked out, went home bathe then meet mich. Caught a show Deception in cine. Quite an interesting plot. Before that was dinner, at the "wang jiao hongkong cafe". Nice curry and dessert. Dim sum was alright only. Sometimes i feel like i talk too much. That is why i told my friends that i hope i can talk lesser. Haha.. But..... She is actually the champion. I got to salute her. I pale in comparison to her. Lol.. After the show decided not to drink. So we went partyworld instead. Been like going singing so often. Is like a routine. Reached home nearly 7am. Slept till now.

Ok, going swimming after finishing my post. I love to swim! Tennis.... Joanna! =( Lets go for tennis this coming week ok!

Pictures are not with me this time round. Shall upload it another day or place. Have a good weekend everyone. Cheers to the upcoming national day and condolence to all misfortunate events this year.

Verstandig

2008-06-26T20:09:00.008+08:00

Ok yesterday went for dental FFI. Then go back camp for body FFI. Got back my blood test result. Everything pass. So i am fit to ORD! Haha.. =D 22 more days! How fast time flies. But, one more day left for my standing order. Stress. Wanna clear leave on july 9th to july 14th. Got rejected as my regular captain want me to be part of the audit team. Zzz... But perhaps due to my ORD mood, i argued with him. I just dont understand, why me! Currently, he has two officers, two warrant officers, 3 sergeants including me and lots of men in the platoon. He die die also want to add me in. I guessed i am getting daring. I rejected his request and told him i need to clear leaves. I keep highlighting my ORD date and told him to find other specialist instead. He bombed me with so much tasks and still want to plan my leaves for me. He suggested other dates but i declined to accept. =) After some arguing, he relented and let me off! See, the power of ORD personnel. Haha..

Yesterday went for a show in tampines mall with michelle. Get smart. Super nice! Damn hilarious. Is actually quite a last minute meet up. We just decided online and went off for the show since we live nearby to each other. Haha.. Dinner was at ajisan. Wanted to go MOS with her after the show but the thought of booking in the next morning stopped me. As usual, her photo taking time. But this time i am included in some of it. Get smart is really worth the money. As what i expected, june is a great month for movie!

List of movies
- Zohan
- Chi bi
- Wanted

Chi bi, i been waiting for it! Finally is releasing. Somethings just cant change. I am a fanatic for romance of the three kingdom since young. I cant help it.. Lol.. Can you imagine a k2 kid played the strategic game and start reading the novel at primary 1?? After years of readings, he finished almost all of library's collection. Be it words only or pictures storybook. Remembering almost all the details that happened and the time of event. Incredible? I am actually amazed by my own enthusiasm. That explains why my chinese is always A1 i guess..

Maybe that is why i am a good business man during primary school days! My brain cells move fast. Shhhhhhh........... This is a secret! No one even my best friend know about this. I only told one person before. Lol.. Let this be a mystery forever. =)

Pictures

Alright, shall go watch some shows first so that i can delete them away. Wasting of space. Look at the bright side of life. =)

Esmagar

2008-06-23T22:46:00.003+08:00

Ok let me share a piece of good news. I passed my bridging! I got a pass for mathematics which is a killer. Guess got quite a few people who failed. Mathematics consists of A-maths, E-maths, statistics and calculus. The paper was dreadful. Lost all confidence after it. Haha.. But i scored B+ for my economics. One more grade to distinction! So now i officially skipped my foundation year and progress to year two! How great.. Congrats to myself.

Haha.. I am surprised that you actually remember that my mum loves to eat KFC. Been like 5 years ago. Good memory ya miss amanda ho. But no prize. =)

I am being described as expressive, someone with a point of view, sensible and persuasive. I cant deny that i guess.

E.Sing says:
i'm overwhelmed
E.Sing says:
seriously
E.Sing says:
no one
E.Sing says:
no one has ever speak to me like this
E.Sing says:
no one dares to lecture me
E.Sing says:
a lot of my friends wait for me to speak out before they start to giv their 2 cents worth
E.Sing says:
guys esp, they are usually not good w words

Lol.. I am good with words? Maybe i should go host variety show. Perhaps then the next jacky wu will be me? Crap..

Morsomt

2008-06-22T16:52:00.007+08:00

The due date for my standing order is this coming friday.. If not can prepare to sign extra already. ARrgggGg! I am even doing it at home la! Zzz..

Alright, yesterday was fun! Out with S, W, D, C. Lol.. Finally to loof again. Took the aircon area with the mattress. We actually stayed there for nearly 4 hours. Games and games. Forfeits and more forfeits. Some are really hilarious. Starting with the 007, after that bluff then code number.

Starting forfeit: getting names of strangers. The most unique one i guess is audrua.

After that: getting comments from strangers for first impression.

Next: Ask strangers to rate on appearance from 1-10. 1 = poor, 10 = best.

The last forfeit like too sensitive la. Haha.. But all goes well.

These are some of the comments given

Got girls saying darren is cute! The guys from the other table even purposely come over and tell us. Lol.. People said shalene and weiling pretty. But is true. Got to agree. Haha.. I got forfeited for the last question. So i went over to a nearby table which is like a guy and a lady. I asked the guy to rate me and he keep rejecting la! He said: "I am a guy, i cant rate you. I will be bias". Zzz.. So he pushed to the lady beside him to rate me. She asked lots of questions before writing down comments. Asking me to stand straight, my age, my nationality, single or attached, where i stay and blah blah blah.. She told me she is from korea. No wonder she dont look like local and her slang is different. Her complexion is like perfect. Pretty with long hair. Haha.. She told me she like young guys and my age is good for her. LOL! That is obvious flirting la. Korean girl... Is like a fantasy. =p

After all the games, food and alcohol, we went PS for a midnight show at 2am. Hulk. Not really fantastic. Just average only. Compared to ironman, this is nothing. I wanna watch get smart! Perhaps this coming weekend. =)

As usual, boring sunday. Never go church today. Next week shall try to attend.

I want more fun nights and other activities too. I realised actually singapore can have more programs. Is just a matter of whether people are willing to go find and explore or not. I still got many places wanna go.

I know what i want in life already and now, back to the life i used to enjoy. =)

Kuri

2008-06-19T01:14:00.008+08:00

Task completed

- Bunks checked

Ongoing tasks

- Clearing of unserviceable items
- Doing fire standing order
- At least 100 fire points to check and update
- Preparing for audit check

New tasks

- Creating a master list for my whole unit
- Adding of new fire points
- Subledge lists
- Clear armoury workshop
- Weapons

Zzz.. I am going to ORD in another 4 weeks. Still have around a week of leave and off. So i am officially left with 3 weeks in camp. Yet the amount of tasks i have is like WA. How great right. I knew things like this will happen. Stress.. My superior still got the cheeks to tell me, "Alan, you are very capable and efficient. Why dont you sign on and assist me?" Sign on.. SIGN ON.. What a joke. Whatever la, i will do what i can within these few weeks. Consider that as a challenge too. Tight on schedule. Busy, busy and busy. I need a break.

Ok, yesterday as in tuesday, went for a movie at the new cathay in downtown east E!Hub. I find the place very cosy and of course new. Bought tickets for the happenings. Not very happening though. Haha.. Kinda boring. Not worth to watch at all. Before that ate newyork newyork for dinner. Got requested to help taking a series of photos! But none have me inside. Is all about one person's 自恋. Lol.. Maybe i shall post some. This is just like less than 1/10 of the pictures la.

Reached home around 12am plus. Fell asleep after bathing. Too tired. Went for a movie straight after camp. I need more sleep. I even work till late at night la. Lucky for me, i took an off day tomorrow, thursday. My workload is even worse than those working in outside world. Do overtime with no extra pay. Everything must be in tiptop condition. Everything will be over in an instant. Let me make the final push! Work work work! =)

Ok, next few shows on my list are

- Get smart
- You don't mess with the zohan
- The incredible hulk

I think i wont have time to watch narnia. Sigh..

Basketball tomorrow.

Gonna go sleep already. Sleepy.. Night.

Chanter

2008-06-16T23:20:00.005+08:00

Slept way early yesterday. Before 7pm i already in my dream land. Woke up at 4am then prepare to go camp. Busy day in camp.

- Did a bunk inspection today and caught many dirty bunks
- Clearing of unserviceable items
- Doing fire standing order for my unit
- Over 100 fire points to check and update
- Preparing for an audit check
- Blood test this morning

Speaking of blood test, medics cant be trusted. They told me this medic is the most senior and experience in drawing blood. But... He poked me 3 times before finally manage to draw a tube of blood. Every NSF got to do a HIV test before they ORD. That explains the blood test. Still got dental and other tests. Oh ya, let me say about the 3 pokes.

The first time he tried, blood came out but in a low quantity then the flow stopped. It turned out to be that he never jab deep enough. So he tried to adjust by shifting left and right while constantly trying to penetrate deeper. Imagine the pain. Until i cant take it, i requested him to find another spot. Second attempt failed as he aimed the wrong area. Got poked for nothing. Third attempt he finally got the right spot. Normal drawing of blood, the blood will flow into the needle tube very quickly and naturally. But this medic, he keep pulling and pushing the tube behind the needle like pumping a ball la, until the whole tube is filled with my blood. What a torturing experience. Now there are bruises on my arm. That is why everyone have no confidence in SAF's medics! But i still believe not all medics are lousy.

Ok enough said, went top one to sing on sat. Listen to this song. I just cant help but video it down. Hell funny la.

Ok this is my solo one. Not nice but still wanna post. I have the right to post and you have the right not to listen. =)

Alright, got to go sleep. Zzz monster is pestering me. Night..

Nehoda

2008-06-14T12:09:00.003+08:00

Second death incident in the army within less than a week. First is from bmtc, a recruit fainted after road march. Now is a pilot. Due to my camp under airforce, now the whole unit is not allow to do any exercise till further notice. That means, other than normal activities, no swimming, no gym, no running, no soccer, no basketball and anything that requires physical strength. SAF always waits for something to happen then they will react. But by the time they do, is already too late.. May god bless the souls of the dead.

Watched kungfu panda yesterday. Better than i thought. After that went summer breeze to chill. Hoegarden as usual for me. Went over to the beach and enjoy the sea breeze for a while. The rock area just infront of the sands. Lie down there for a moment trying to catch a glimpse of the stars in the sky. But sad to say, clouds are deterring my efforts to. Chatted a while before making our way home. I enjoyed time like this. Thanks for asking me out.

Thinking of whether going for CO later or not. Performance coming out. Hmmm...

Going to bugis later to sing. Perhaps a movie too. I want to watch narnia.. Is finishing..... Madacasgar 2 is coming out. Looks interesting. The penguins and their lame stunts. Haha.. "I wanna move it move it".

Weird.. This is getting so weird..

Getting sick..

Maybe i should go loof tonight. That place is really nice. If i can find people, i will go. =(

Pasiune

2008-06-12T01:35:00.003+08:00

Wondering in the middle of the night, what is right and wrong. Decisions and choices. What should i do....

Chosen my units for semester one and two.
Principles of banking and finance, principles of accounting, macroeconomics and corporate finance.
Guess the most difficult one is corporate finance.
In the same class with 5 friends! How great. Luckily i saw weimin during orientation. If not i wont know she took the same course as me. So we decided to choose the same to keep each other company. =)
Just got to know a new friend through eve. Daphne. She is from my bridging class. The best is she live in tampines too, and very near my house. Five minutes walk only. A very nice and helpful person. Thanks for all the help given. Same class with her for two subjects. So, shall see you around in school ya.
School stuff settled.

开始的开始总是甜蜜的.
后来就有了厌倦, 习惯, 背弃, 寂寞, 绝望和冷笑.
曾经渴望与一个人长相厮守.
但是往往老天捉弄人.

能够在一起, 其实已经算是一种福气.
茫茫人海里, 找寻一个知己, 就像是大海捞针.
拥有时就该好好珍惜.
等到消失时, 后悔也来不及了.

因为爱情的缘故, 两个陌生人可以突然熟悉到睡在同一张床上.
然而, 相同的两个人,
在分手时却说, "我觉得你越来越陌生".
爱情将两个人由陌生变成熟悉, 又由熟悉变成陌生.
爱情正是一个将一对陌生人变成情侣, 又将一对情侣变成陌生人的游戏.

时间会让你了解爱情, 时间能够证明爱情, 也能够让爱情消失.
没有一种悲伤是不能被时间减轻的.
如果所有的悲哀, 痛苦, 失败都是假的, 那该有多好?
可惜, 世上有很多假情假义, 自己的痛苦, 失败, 悲哀, 却偏偏总是真的.

爱情从来都是一种束缚, 追求爱情并不等于不追求自由.
自由可贵, 我们用这最宝贵的东西换取爱情.
因为爱一个人, 明知会失去自由, 也甘愿作出承诺.

男人伪装坚强, 只是害怕被女人发现他软弱.
女人伪装幸福, 只是害怕被男人发现她伤心.

爱情有生, 老, 病, 死.
爱情总在不知不觉间过期.
爱情中最伤感的时刻是后期的冷淡.
一个曾经爱过你的人, 忽然离你很远, 近尺之隔, 却是天涯.
曾经轰轰烈烈, 曾经形影不离, 曾经沾沾自喜, 曾经柔肠寸断.
到了最后, 最悲哀的分手竟然是悄无声息.