De novo

Redundant blogs are the past. Right now right here, this shall be the place for my rantings. A chronicle record of events.. Moving on is what i need. These few months, my mind and soul were badly wounded. Everything from the past came back to haunt me. As if urging me never to give up. Facts were distorted, lies were made, sympathy was not given to me. Unable to explain, i gave up trying. When the moon rises, darkness befall me, the chilling stares from the stars gave me a sense of loneliness.. I realised, talking to you is just like reaching for the stars. They are so far and never replies.. Awared of the current situation, i surrendered myself to the dominant dictator called "fate".. Continuing my search for "the one" after 4 years, this path i shall walk alone.

In some sense, indeed i am running away. Not to deny the hurt that is left inside of me. Lovers to friends.. That is not possible at least to my current acknowledgement. Unwillingly i left, not because i have a change of heart, but because i respected her decision. To be frank, for so long, i felt neglected and like what i told her, "i am always the last in your list". But it is the heart that tells me to carry on, to make more effort. Just like a used toy, when i am no longer needed, i shall be placed with the garbage. High on drinks everyday since that fateful day, hoping to sleep well at night with the influence of alcohol. Realising everything i did is futile, why should i behave in this manner? Letting go is the only option. This is the best way out for me. I want to love and to be loved.

Another 4 months and 12 days, and i will finish serving my country. My time is up. Next will be back to study again.

Success, a word that is engraved within me. I might not be rich right now, without car and house, but i believe with determination and hardwork, one day, i will rise above the rest and fly high into the atmosphere. Watch me grow and i shall prove!

Up above, into the sky, let me take notice of the ever changing world.. Once again, i shall see what the future holds for me..