Transtornar

My thoughts are in a terrible mess right now. Actually since night time. To think that so many incidents happened or on going in such a short time frame. Within this 3 months, i gone through break up with my ex gf of 4 years, first time surgery, birthday being single, met another not meant to be, bridging classes and preparing to ORD. There are more small little things but i just cant add all in. The break up is the most painful thing though. But i promised so many people that i will be ok. Yea.. I am better compared to the first month. I know i got to move on. I am in fact. Just that so many events just cramped up my mind. Things just piled up. Like a kite, i am starting to fly up but strong winds and obstacles just keep pushing me down. I know what i need to do and i clearly know what i want in life. Just cant help it as there are times one will feel emo. Why cant life be easier? Love is a risk.

The past flooded me with memories while the present is suffocating me. The future is unknown. Maybe i should quit being such an emotional person and get down to being logical. I used to tell others not to behave due to feelings and think carefully. But right now i am doing it. It is always easier to help or tell others what to do. Who can i blame other than myself? I am just not capable enough to retain what used to be mine. For the past or present. I know being career minded will result in losing out many things in life. But this is my only option. Sometimes i feel, living is so miserable. Why should any of us be alive? Why cant judgement day arrive sooner so that we shall all perish? One day earth will stop rotating. One day there wont be any more heat emitting from the sun. One day we will all be dead. Just one day... Will this day come sooner? Pardon me for being pessimistic. Praise me for being realistic. In such a short time frame, i felt so much more matured. Together with being matured, i felt old. I changed so much when sometimes i looked into the mirror, i dont recognised myself anymore. No longer one who do anything as he wished. Am i being pathetic or just simply improved?

One should never change for another. What he/she needs to do is just simply improve. I need more time. I doubt anyone understand what i blogged about. Complicated. Just not meant to be.

Under the cloudy sky, one will feel at ease. Under the clear night sky, one will feel romantically linked to someone of their choice. Under a stormy sky? I guess we will just run for shelter. Ok, this is just so random.

I realised to forget is not that easy. Some part of me just refused to move. So i am kinda like dragging my body. A quiet moment, with some alcohol and a place to chill. Will be a desirable moment for myself.

Suddenly, i am wondering, how is dua yi. I mean.. She is a nice person. She cooked my favourite za cai. She always welcome me to eat. Although we have some communication problems, she never failed to flashed her smile at me. She speaks hokkien but i cant really understand all or reply. I just hope she is fine. Wanna visit her but i dont think is nice after the break up. So yea.. Really hope she is ok and healthy. There are feelings for her after so many years.

My pinky and the brain. Dont know how are they. I miss them though. My hamsters.. Pinky used to fall asleep on my palm while i sayang her back. Is like, most hamsters will just run around except for her. She just like to cuddle on my palm. Ok i am a bit biased. I played with her more than the other. They are always finding ways to escape from their cage. Always fighting and squeak. I can wake up in the middle of the night hearing her squeaking. Most of the time for nothing. Lol.. Such a unique hamster i have. Wondering about their well-being. I believed they are fine. But just miss them.

Tomorrow voluntary work. Need to get some rest. You, the one who bothered to read till now. I think either you are concern for me or you are too bored. Either way, thanks. At least for now, i am better. =) Night everyone. Till then..