一切从零开始

在这一个冷清的夜晚, 抬头看看天. 你能看到满天星星, 还是一片灰暗? 世上的每一件事情, 都能改变一个人. 所谓星星之火足以燎原. 我发现在这漫长的路上, 我已经开始迷失了自己. 找不到该走的方向.

很多人跟我说: "人生在世短短几十年, 为何发愁?" 我会答说: "就因为短短几十年, 才应该珍惜身边的每一样事情! 为何要等到一切都消失了才回想起过去?"

我, 一直在过去的记忆里徘徊. 可能我比较念旧. 可能一切都是虚伪的. 也可能这都是我幻想的世界. 这些天我想了很久. 人一旦变了, 就很难再挽回. 勇敢的面对, 不是代表我无情, 而是希望你能过的更好. 是谁的错, 已经不再重要. 难道对与错在这个时候还是排在第一名? 残酷的现实, 我已接受. 每一天, 我都会牢牢记住, 那些难得的经验与回忆. 我已忘了我是如何一路走下去. 但是, 未来的道路, 我一定会自己去开创. 勇敢面对任何挑战, 接受命运的指引但同时也抵抗命运恶劣的安排.

Barrier

Doubting myself. Wondering about everything and anything. To err is human. Where shall i draw my line? The invisible thin line exists. A warning sign that dictates our movements. What shall i do? What can i do? I am just an ordinary person you can find on the streets. Nothing fanciful, nothing unique. Look, just take a look at me. What can you see? Or perhaps, what will you see.....

Meet ups with stan and darren always bring about laughters and fun. The silly things we will commit ourselves into, and the willingness for silly acts. Slept for only 3 hours last night. Thanks to the both of them. Elaborating is futile.

Am i two sided? Two or more characteristics? If yes, enlighten me. Why did i became this way when i used to be that simple... Sometimes when i looked into the mirror, yes of course i saw myself. But, just felt different. Is a kind of connection i have with my old/hidden self. I can feel him there. Just that somehow, i cant get him out. I was told, life is beautiful. I was told, live life to the fullest. How do i know my life is at the fullest? Time well spent? Splurging? Maybe is a combination of many factors. Life lessons. A journey through. Welcome to my world....

Nights of events

Wed Ot. Thurs OT. Fri OT.

Let me start from fri. I suddenly realised people always say TGIF. Truely understand the meaning now. =) OT as usual. But went to meet my friends for sushi session in terminal 2. I developed the WAYAS. There is a 三连冠. Haha.. You anna, dont everything also scare! Must be brave! Lol.. Ok, fri was not a good day. Something happen. Shall not elaborate.

Sat i believed at least i did something right by making the call. I think for long term sake, this will be a better choice. Ok, virgin trip to st james powerhouse. Never expect it to be that fun. Maybe is because of my group of friends. The crowd is wonderful too. We opened bottles so that we can get a table and seats. People present are, shalene, weiling, darren, joey, jenelle, rayna, cien, yvonne, esther, rina, raymond and justin. Still got pearl, merlyn and shalyn. Make 4 new friends. I think we shall change to powerhouse instead of dblO. Yesterday was full with drinks. Super high. Most of them went crazy. Dance the night away. =)

Real shag today. Skipped church session and cell group meeting. Slept my whole day away. But still spend quality time talking on the phone with xin. =) Watched love guru at home too. Quite lame but there are some meanings to the show. Just like, *If you are happy and you know it, think again.*

Work again tomorrow. I want friday again!

More than words from love guru



-Too nice doesn't get you to where you desire -

You

I spent 30 minutes talking to you. Pouring out how i felt. My thoughts. My feelings. My emotions. Letting you have an idea of my world. My inner self. Saying out things i will never say to anyone else. Sharing woes like you are my soul mate. Telling you what is on my mind these days. You kept quiet throughout. Not even a word. At first i dont understand. But now i do.









It is because... You cease to exist in the first place...

Work, work and more work

Just home from school. Seriously, work till evening then rush to school is kinda taxing. Imagine from 9am-10pm. 13 hours.. I am left with 11 hours to do my stuff and sleep. No life.

Yesterday my first day of work. Boring. Although my job scope is quite interesting, i still lazing around due to my newcomer status. But today is different. Maintained price for the whole day. Checking accuracy from the deals. All my colleagues take turns to teach me something. After that will throw a pile of work for me to do. Been busy. Actually thought of not going for lunch. But no harm for a quick one. Time = money in my department. Work cant be put aside first or leave it till the next day. Everyday there are different cut off timings to submit our tasks. Miss out on it, will result in severe effect. Is like doing live or being a dealer in the stock market. During certain time, you will see everyone panicking and moving around. Stress is written on their faces. We got to be quick. Close the deals before market cut off time. Gonna be a busy day tomorrow again. I like my work. At least for now.

Good night..

Work/Thoughts

Went church today. Few weeks back, pastor rony was preaching about freedom. Before national day. Freedom of speech, freedom of rights, freedom of society. Kinda enjoyable listening to his thoughts and logics.

One example he quoted,
"Freedom came with safe boundaries. Without boundaries, the world became chaotic. Just like a train on a railway track. As long as it runs on the track, it is free to roam. We cant allow a train to run freely on the streets. Am i right?"

I think is time for me to post something meaningful.
Everything in the world require some restrictions. Especially in a relationship. Those who claimed that they want freedom are those chaos seekers. Freedom is normally accompanied by sacrifices. Think about it. When we were younger, we ask for freedom from our parents. With friends, we wanna freedom to talk about anything. In a relationship, we will ask for freedom to hang out with the opposite sex. Work time, freedom to give proposals and ideas. We humans, are constantly seeking for freedom. Is never enough. We can never be satisfy with what we got. Greed. One of the greatest sins at all times. We are made in this way that our wants are infinite. Just like a universe. No matter which way, you will never reach the end. Is impossible to return to the starting point. That is why after we experienced the pleasure of our wants, is difficult to backtrack to our original self. This is us, me and everyone. What can i say?

Enough of my thoughts above. First day of work tomorrow. Got to look presentable and fresh. Night everyone. Be grateful with what you got. Present assets might not sustain to future. Everything got their depreciation values. Some might just disappear through time........ May god bless the souls of the wounded.

Cesta

Starting work on monday. Confirmed. So glad i passed the interview. Going school later. Anticipating a good working environment. Go through this 6 months, i will be able to strive for a better oportunity!

Went to see doc just now. Cant take my cough and sore throat anymore. Disturbing my sleep at night. The doc took a long time to examine. Each patient around 30mins. I know is like very caring of her to. But mine is just sore throat! Anti-biotics and cough syrup are enough. Dont need to check whole body.

Changed to this add for a few private reasons. Not gonna explain it here. Will be too long to type it out. Haha.. Thanks my friends. =)

Sushi please...

Ok i think i stand a good chance for the job. Although there are other competitors vying for that post. I will know in a few days time. Have some confidence!

Met stan and joey after my interview. Stan came my house after that. We left before 8pm as we both got other programs. He, as always, gf first. Haha.. I went PS to meet xin for dinner. Pass her the present. Dinner at ajisen. =) I think you got to rest more. You look shagged.

School today again. Tomorrow too. Sian.. Suddenly feel like eating sushi although i just had it on national day with lyn. Ok, dont get mistaken. Lyn is not my ex gf. Ppl misunderstood that i keep going out with her after the break up. Lyn was looking at the way i eat cha soba. Instead of saying weird. She described it as unique. Haha.. Why everyone got something to say about how i hold chopsticks? I think that is how you distinguish people right? Distinctive ways that is individualize. That is me.

Anyone interested in eating sushi? Xin? Stan?

I wanna sing K. But my throat is giving up on me. Think i better pay a visit to a doctor first before i start work. Coughing in the office is not something pleasant.

Bless that i can outshine the others and secure this job!

Thanks for giving up on me first so that i can achieve this new life.
Thanks to everyone and everything.
Walked too far and too hard....

Interview

Going school after this entry. Woke up really early. Around 8am. Recently i keep on waking up after a few hours. Cant seem to sleep much. I need my sleep!

Yesterday saw mich in tm when stan and me going up escalator. She stayed with us for a while cause she is alone. Then met ducky to pass her things. You owe me. =) Then went slack with stan. But i wanna go home earlier cause feeling drowsy. Reached home immediately KOed.

I just received a call for interview! Finally.. Tomorrow going down to citibank! Wish me luck ok. Out..

Happy Birthday Xin!

Just got home. Supposed to meet xin for her birthday but i cant make it on time. Sorry ya.. Make it up tomorrow ok. =)

Hey ducky, you really owe me a lot. Everytime ask me help you this and that. Still want me to bring over to you. Now say OT cant make it on time. Tsk.. Meeting stan later. He said he miss me. What rubbish.. I cant even feel the sincerity. Must be jiahui not around that is why miss me. What an ass.. Ok, still got to wait for ducky to come tamp meet me first. Think she should be coming soon..

Oh ya, that day went ikea with xin, saw a baby. "Hairy" baby. I got pictures to show!







See, this is what i meant by hairy.. She keeps on yawning throughout the journey. Babies also easily tired? Without doing anything? Hmmm...

Tsz shan.. Where are you.. MIA? Stucked in a tub of food? Got lured by chicken wings? Got chained for stealing noodles? Come back!

Happy birthday to xin! May you be blessed with a life filled of happiness! See you tomorrow. =)

PND

Busy sunday.

Recap yesterday. Meet up with lyn at amk. Supposed to go hub for a movie or chilling session. Ended up she wanna go town area to look for her japanese friend and to see fireworks. So we went to cityhall and slowly make our way to singapore flyer. We did not take the flyer. Just standing nearby, waiting for the finale. Lyn knows her way very well around town. Due to her previous job as a tour guide. Interesting.. Darren pop by as he is nearby involving in the NDP. His motive is actually to take photos with the show girls at the sports car exibition! He got me to take for him as he is wearing army uniform and not allowed to. My area cant see the fireworks very clearly. B.S bridge is blocking our sights. I hate the crowds. I dislike the suffocated feelings. Lyn intro-ed her two friends to me. Felicia and jian ming. New friends again. =) Accompanied them for dinner in bugis. After that went our seperate ways.

So that concludes my day..... Nah... Still got other programs!

Joined another group of friends in orchard. Wanna go down st james cause xin ask me over. So i persuaded them to go. We decided to go over later as they wanna eat first. But when we are about to go, xin said she is going home already. So i told them cancelled. Lol.. Slacked around then home. Around 4am. God bless Singapore. Marching into our 43rd year, a more prosperous nation.

Today was spend with darren. Went vcd shop to return what he borrowed. That vcd shop auntie still remembers me. Then to my usual bubble tea shop during poly days. Mango smoothie. Went over to joanna house to pass her the present. Supposed to give her yesterday but no time. Owed her for very long. Sorry ya "you anna". Lol.. Darren suggested mahjong. Rejected cause not very keen. Perhaps this weekend.

Calm. Free. A tranquil life. My life.

Pictures







Video

Eve, eve of national day and the day

Back home around 4am plus. Cant sleep. Too awake.

Meet up with eve at coffee club in clarke quay. Got to know a new friend, eve's best friend, alesia. Sat down have some drinks then a mini birthday cake for her. Sang birthday song too. I think most friends of mine dont know who is eve. Clarke quay was hell packed yesterday. Because of 080808 or due to MOS is there. Or perhaps both. Chatted till 1am then decided to walk around. Went khandi bar next. Ordered lychee martini, seabreeze and singapore sling. I thought it will be nice to try singapore sling on national day. Patriotic right? Took lots of pictures. Mostly are in their cameras. Had fun and different perspective of clarke quay now. Got quite a good conversation going on between us. Alesia invited me to join them for dragonfly on 23rd. Well, the 3 of us are able to click. =)

Finished watching never back down. This show is great. Very nice. I should have watch it in the cinema long ago. Meeting lyn later in the afternoon. Starting to feel tired now. Guess i got to catch up on my sleep. Hibernate for days will be excellent.

Happy national day to all!

Pictures


Eve and Alesia




Drinks


The walk way






Happy birthday in advance!

This morning meet xin for breakfast at mac. After that accompany her to ikea to shop for some decorations and furnitures for her hostel room. To make it more lively. Now feeling kinda sleepy. Still got to go school later. Oh man... Later at night meeting eve for her birthday. I shall go rest for a while. =)

Happy birthday orange

Ok, wed went dblO to celebrate darren's birthday and stan's official ORD. Booked a table for 10. Met quite a few friends there too. Birthday boy was down. Starting to act weirdly after my 5 secs of black label and 2 waterfalls. Lol.. The most funny thing is, the table beside us also got one birthday girl. So they requested taking photo with darren. But darren started puking into the jug! They still took photos together but with darren puking and the girl pointing thumbs down at him. Haha.. Happy birthday to you mr orange. Shalene and weiling went back earlier as they have work the next day. The crowd was great. Dance floor was fun. =) I dont understand why i got dao pok by stan and his friends when i already ORD for quite some time. I was lying down to escape from some you know what. Suddenly darren shouted dao pok. Then everyone came crashing down on me. Not once but twice. Though stanley got it later too. I think clubbing that day was enjoyable. Relaxing and having fun. Went home with stan, darren and michelle. There are more happenings here and there. But kinda lazy to blog it out. That stupid anna never join us. Instead sit at the other side with her friends. Make me keep walking over. Ok la, dont blame you. Got friend to take care of. Please dont make her drunk again. So that you can join me!

Went interview with stan today. First to raffles standard chart building then to international plaza. Rejected both offers. Actually the second one is quite good. Stan is going for it. But i cant do shift work due to my studies. Minimum of 2.4k per month with just my diploma. After 1 year will receive variable bonus of 4-7 months. After 2 years will be management level. After that went for dinner at tampines mall. Supposed to meet xin. But she reach home too late. So is better for her to rest.

Friday will be school day and meeting eve after class. Night..

Events

Finished sending resume to more banks and agencies. This week kinda busy. Gonna sleep after this.

Sun went church. Finally decided to join the cell group officially. Be part of them. Youth group. This week gonna attend meeting.

I wanna go holiday. Hongkong? Should i?

Meet up with xin again for seoul garden at causeway point. Because is nearer for her. We shared almost similar taste for food. How nice. =) After that went for a show. The X-files : I want to believe. Just very average. But is better than what i expected. I believe will be nicer than mummy although i did not watch that. So basically, i covered all shows currently available. Got to wait for...

• Journey To The Center Of The Earth
• Meet Dave
• The Love Guru
• Babylon A.D.

Blockbuster month is over. Cant expect much too. Decided to go jurong point so that is easier for her to go back hostel. Went arcade. Played the basketball thing, bishi bashi, daytona and mario-kart. I dont know she can play house of the dead 4. Amazing.. Went to shop for some groceries at ntuc. The crowd was horrible. Tampines mall is so much better. Took a cab back to her hostel. NTU was having hall bash. Buses are there to pick students to zouk. How happening.. Glad that she is not a party girl. =) Home after everything.

Mum woke me up in the morning. Saying my auntie called and asked for help. She sounded very sick. So we quickly rushed over by cab. She cant even walk. Got no choice but to enlist the help of ambulance. Escort her to cgh and register for admission as the doctor requested for further examination. Hope she is feeling better now. Gonna go visit her later.

School as usual. Forgot to do homework. Ended up copy min's so that i can hand it in! Lol.. After school met michelle to go home together. Went for late dinner at prata shop. Tried new pratas. Prata aaloo and prata sms. I think is still alright. Edible.

Ok gonna go sleep now. Tonight still got to celebrate darren's 23rd birthday! I like this new friend man. Funny, irritating but of course a very nice person. DblO is the place. Expecting many friends there tonight from what i know of! =) Let the party starts!

Recollection

Let me do a brief update.

Been watching movies recently. Dark knight, red cliff, money no enough 2. These shows are really worth watching. I almost teared when watching money no enough 2. Almost.. Lol..

Weekdays are still school days. Dark knight was with shalene and weiling at marina square. Met up with lyn at marina square again on monday for red cliff. Both are wonderful shows and lasted around 2.5 hours. Money no enough 2 was with xin. Actually i dont really support singapore show. To me, is just a waste of time and money. But this time round, i changed my opinion. This show is indeed fantastic. Hell touching.

Yesterday swimming then go over to ryn's house. Just to take a last look at my hamsters before she give it away. After that xy came to pick me up. I went ikea next to buy some food for xin. Hope you are feeling better. =)

Yesterday, jiahui hits the bulleye. She can totally say out what am i thinking of and why am i feeling turn off. Total turn off. Might be misunderstanding. But i still felt kinda disgusted. I just cant bear to listen. Just let it run through will do.

Congrats to xiao ming for ORD ya. I got a swimming partner! Perhaps i can stop being that lonely from now onwards.

I really think we should start hanging out since 5 years ago. Why only till now? Haha.. You can do better. Xin.

Test tomorrow. I am not ready. Wish me good luck.

Oh ya, rainie just reminded me to be careful when going out till late. Today is first day of 7th month. Although i am not superstitious, just wanna remind everyone out there. Haha.. 7th month to me is just any ordinary day. I dont even on lights at night even if i am alone. Lets just remain netural.