菊花台

Dont know why, suddenly i am addicted to this song. I like the mv a lot. Sad ending though. Been going out often recently. With different people/groups.

Bad experience with one girl. I felt disgusted to even talk about it. Just dont understand how can a girl talk and behave this way with such an open mindset? Zzz...

Oh ya, later meeting winnie. What scandal. Idiot..

Stanley low, you shall be disappointed! =D

Shan, message me when you see this. Dont STM i tell you. If not no more food for you! Haha..

Still waiting for replies from banks. Hope to secure a good job. After 3-4 years of experience plus degree, might be able to apply overseas post. Hope everything will continue to be smooth sailing.

Next friday going back collect IC. Pink IC. Finally.. Time pass too fast. Very soon another year will be over. More than half of 2008 have passed. Do i have any regrets in this year? What about you?

After a swim felt so much better. Cleared my thoughts. Should i go mambo tonight? Doubt so i guess.. Kinda tired.

You are The Devil

Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession

The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard work and ambition.
Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.

Indeed, i am enslaved only if i allow myself to. I actually dislike restrictions. Dislike being tie down by one. I do not like someone to tell me i cant do this or that. I cant go this place, i cant meet this person. I am not those you can flip me around easily. But i am willing to bow down to the correct person wholeheartedly, forgetting and ignoring that i am actually the opposite. Contradicting? Maybe that person is my satan. Just like i actually shut down and restricted my ownself for the past 4 years. But look at me now, how different am i? Someone tame me will you? I am tired of walking alone..

I am hungry.. I refuse to budge to my food temptation. Send my resume to different banks already. Awaiting for replies. Hope i can get into a good pay job. Then i can buy a car within 6 months of work with some savings. Can drive to school for my night classes too. Everything is moving very smoothly for me till now. So i should expect some hipcups somewhere.

One thing that i am upset about is i got to postpone my trip due to my timetable. I cant afford to miss 4 days of class every week. Especially is the same subject. If not i wont be able to catch up and take my exam. There goes my itinerary. Wasted so much time researching and asking around. Waste my money too. Anyone needs a detailed plan for vietnam can approach me. =)

Faith. Abandon the past, look to the future. I know i will have my place somewhere.

Is it a must for us to share a common view on everything?
Is it a must not to squabble?
Is it a must for no arguements?
Is it a must to think that you really cant bring your point across to me?
Is that really true or misunderstanding occurs?
Is it even a need to get pissed over such minor incident?
Is it so hard to even control your own temper?
Is it everything must be that perfect with little or no flaws?

Oh ya, i remember one thing. I wanna say this. I saw a kid smoking in bugis. He is like around 8 years old max? Yet i saw him lighting and smoking! Horrible! But whatever. Shall not bother so much.

School was ok today. Kinda tedious.. Not as easy as i thought. So today weimin sat with us. Her gpa is like 3.61. Holy.. Then daphne was asking where am i in the LT. Lol.. Saw yida too. More familiar faces. That is good.

Next lesson will be on sat. I need a swim badly. Shall go at 8am. Once the pool is open.

Thanks tszshan for understanding me. Thanks for comforting me. Even you understand.. Faster go sleep. Stop saying you drank milo so awake now. You did more than enough. =)

I just dont want to be like any other guys who tried acting like they understand you and agreeing to what you said. I just dont want to act... Why am i being affected by this...

Let me recap. Sunday went sing with ting. F and D. Lol... I think you should know what i am talking about.

Yesterday after swimming went home to slack before going out again. Met eve and pass her the discs. Chatted for quite long and late in meeting the guys at boat quay. Only reach the pub at 12am plus. It felt good to be able to talk so long with her. She matured so much. She said she saw me for quite a few times but dont dare to approach me in the past. Because my ex was around. Lol.. But i am glad we can meet up like before again. =)

Oh ya, yesterday i took a cab to boat quay. The driver missed the exit and blabbered something which i cant understand after i told him about the route. Most people will just go pissed off cause he make a detour. Wasting time and money. To be frank, starting i was a bit irritated. Because i talk to him and he ignored me. Only like chanting to himself about stuff. But slowly, i starting to realised, it is because age is catching up on him. He cant think and talk well anymore. That is when i started pitying him. There are twice he almost got into accident if the car never honk him. He is about 70plus years old. Still driving taxi. Feeling sad for him, i kept quiet through out the journey. Upon reaching, the total charges is $20 plus. He told me to give him $14 will do as that is the normal charge to reach boat quay. But i insisted in paying the full sum. Just felt bad if i pay any lesser. Up till now i am still glad i paid in full. =)

Today starting school! Totally not excited. Got to travel all the way to clementi then back. Haha.. But is only 2 years. Since my second year is part time, i will be finding a job as a banker. Eve asked me to join her company as they are still in need of staffs. But she also gave me her agent number so that i can be expose to other options. I think i shall consider applying for her company. Hope they dont judge experience!

Now gonna go out for my medical appointment. After that will be school. Alright, that will be all. One more thing, yesterday i did not get drunk. The one real high is not me. Haha.. Out.

Felt so much better after a swim. I have an affair with the pool. I love swimming nowadays. =) Out now.. Shall continue later..

Hely

Sorry! I am feeling real sorry about that. Thanks for taking care of me. Thanks for sending me home. Sorry if i troubled you guys. I know i was wasted yesterday. I dont even know how and when i got home. Thanks stanley for sending me back and you missed going over to her house. My bad.. Drink drank drunk. Too drunk this time. I know i puke. That is very seldom for me. Just not feeling good yesterday night. I wanna a drink drank drunk once and for all thing. Feeling much better already. The bad part is i sprained my ankle again. My surgery ankle.. Now swelling up. Got problem walking. Sian..

The whole day having hang over. Got asked to go zouk tonight. But rejected. Shitty shalene. Tempt me with those jap girls. Lol.. Or perhaps i should go over. Haha.. Yesterday i got to know a new friend. She is emo yesterday too. Great, now got one more person to chill or club with. =)

Alright, this is it. This song is nice. Shall share it.

空缺



当你关上了门离开 这个房间
关上了仅有的光线 只剩想念
我还感受到温柔的幻觉
月亮的背面 写满了我们的细节

我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言
开成了一座遗憾的花园
也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街
你才会发现我留下的空缺

就当作我们不熟练 不够周全
就当作我们追不上 彼此改变
我以为能完美写下句点
时间在后面 遥控了所有的情节

我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言
开成了一座遗憾的花园
也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街
你才会发现我留下的空缺

幸福需要的磨练 我们都误解成搁浅
活在想象的明天 忘了今天未完结

我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言
开成了一座遗憾的花园
也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街
你才会发现我留下的空缺

我的回忆种满你曾对我说过的预言
开成了一座遗憾的花园
也许一天在挤满行人的那一条街
你才会发现我留下的空缺
没有人能完全填补的空缺

Desfeito

Just came home from a movie again.. Been watching lots of show recently. Out with mich to ehub. Been meeting her so often that it seems like a routine. This time round was "the strangers". Is just a cheap production with plain brutal killings and torturings. Waste time to watch it. I wanna watch hancock and chi bi. Anyone wanna ask me to tag along or ask me out?

I drank at home as i am feeling... I cant describe it. Almost.. I almost.. Control. Control! Control!! Kinda tipsy now. Might not know what i am typing. But i will edit it tomorrow after i reach home. Hope i dont type something funny though. P.s: I am still awake and know what am i doing. =)

I seriously think my blog is very exposed. Of course i am glad my friends bother to read up about my life. But there are even unknown people reading it. Thinking of making it private or change the blog address. Any suggestions? Or is there anyone interested to continue reading? Let me know so maybe i can send you an invite if i ever make this private.

My eyes are closing on me now.

I got a decision to make. Should i or should i not? If i ever make this decision, i cant turn back or perhaps is i wont want to. My mind is in a mess!!

Someone told me this. "You seems like an angel whom my late grandma sent to me". I was quite shocked and surprised hearing this. Been such a long time since i felt being appreciated. Actually got praised and felt wanted. I never or seldom experience this in the past. Know how i felt? Imagine a lonely child whom always try hard and constantly wanna recognition. But always receive nothing but biased treatment. Suddenly someone pat him on his back and being the only one recognising his good points. The emotional roller coaster inside of me just went havoc. I yearn for someone to understand and realise everything i did, came right from my heart with no other motives. Someone who dont view me with "coloured specs".

To be updated..

Continuing

Just read through what i type yesterday. Lucky for me that i did not make a fool out of myself.

Thanks ting. Thanks for listening to me yesterday in the middle of the night! Really thanks for the call. Thanks for willing to stand by me. Thanks for everything.

I dont even know when and how i fell asleep. But woke up late for camp. But they dont really care anymore cause i going to ORD. Today is my last day till my official ORD date. My next and last book in will be on the 18th of july. Offs and leaves till ORD! I did not expect that. Guess they are trying to reward me? =)

Sometimes i hate myself for being sentimental. I think that friends always have a distance physically and of course mentally. Call me conservative if you guys like. But at least by being conservative, i dont cheat.

I guessed recently i fell into a state of confusion. After the last message today, i finally woke up. Before that i told myself that maybe one last try to spend a bit more time to listen and see how things goes. Maybe can use a night to listen. But i got disappointed. Ok, is just about myself setting the rules inside my mind. Not going = i give up. That is what i thought of before getting the reply. Kinda tired with the mind games. So ya, things just got clearer for me. Stop those illusions and weird dreams. I dont wanna care anymore. Enough said. I going out party now!

谢谢你曾让我难过
谢谢我没有想太多
是你先放开我的手
已经没有勇气再牵起你的手
心碎成了沙漠
面对你的时候
我不会舍不得
因为你已是过客

Segadus

10 promises to my dog. This is one of the rare shows to touch my heart. People like me who dont cry in cinema actually can feel the sadness pushing my tears out. Of course i did not drop any. But got the urge to wet my eyes. Watched it with ryn. Dinner at ding tai feng. The xiao long bao is not bad but is sinful to eat so many. So i shall control. =) Meet up after so long. Is quite normal but it just felt kinda weird. After movie, chatted a while. Talked about our past, going ons and some others. Cant say i agree to everything because i have a mind of my own. But i do agree in some of the topics. Males and females always think differently. It is possible to try and understand each other. But that takes a huge effort. And it is impossible to truly understand what the other party feels. That is why i believe giving in factor will need to be in when the time comes. Is all about give and take, efforts, understanding and respect.

Did not club yesterday. Instead went to sing. This sat might be singing too. Friday perhaps also can go sing? Lol..

I dont know why. But even though i added on colours to my life. Met so many other new friends. At the end of the day, i felt so empty. Like nothing interest me. I just cant find someone who makes me wanna go the extra mile. Maybe when one is too hurt, it deprives me the rights to love again.

-All i wanna do is find a way back into love-

I think i am too crazy. Always been doing things that people will proclaim as madness. What am i turning into? Anyone stop me? I dont used to be this way...

还隐隐作痛的一颗心 提醒我爱是毒药
我也很困扰 虽然喜欢你的微笑
可我害怕付出了真心 却什么都得不到

Retten

Recently, my body refuses to obey me. When i wanna stay awake, i will suddenly fall asleep even on the chair. But when there are times i really want to sleep early, i just cant... What is the talk about heart, soul and mind when i cant control any?

Yesterday went tm for dinner and movie with mich. Wanted is nice! Right now then i realised angelina jolie is super hot. Bullets that curve. Life is ever changing. Right now you can be who you are. But you never know, the next second, things change and you will never be able to go back to what you are. But i dont really fancy the ending of the show. Maybe not what i wanted. Highly recommend this show. The stunts are fantastic although is kinda exaggerating.

Went mac after that. Search around for tour next week since i am on leave. Planning on a short getaway. But too short to go bangkok. Hmmm... Reach home nearly 4am.

Got asked to go club tonight. Ladies night.. Let me think about it later.

- Kill one, save a thousand -
Are you willing to go that far?