Kohtalo

Shit.. Overslept never meet zihui for lunch. I can hear her screaming: "LIAR! YOU CHEATER!". Lol.. My bad. She must be pulling her hair and going crazy at that little corner of hers. Better not let your boss catch you doing that! Haha..

Ok my mood is better now. I am still a optimistic person. You know.. I might be blinded by love in the past. But hell, i am not stupid at all! Haha.. The past shall not hinder my future!

- "Open your eyes! Breathe! Can you see me?! Can you hear me?! What is your heart saying?! I cant hear you! Say it! Say it in your own words! I dont want to lose to anyone else! You dont have to accept a destiny you dont want! I made a promise, didn't i?! That i will change your destiny!" -

Happy birthday to you~ Happy birthday to you~~ Happy birthday to joanna~~~ Happy birthday to you!! Hope you enjoy yourself today! With your exams though. =D Good luck!

Medical appointment tomorrow! Hope i am able to extend my mc. If not, i still have a secret weapon! =p After that need to go down RELC to hand in application for UOL. Another 150 bucks gone. Upon confirmation, need to pay 1500 bucks again. Money money money.

Alright, got to go get ready for school. Economics! Pavilion! Haha.. Take care everyone!

Nacht

Moody.. I think pms is looking for me. But i dont understand why because i dont have the important part for menses. Zzz.. Suddenly dont really feel like talking. Wanna just be alone. Thinking of basketball but no company. I think sweating it out is the only way to lower my stress level. Boring life i am leading.

Lesson tomorrow again. Gonna buy my sour sweets. To keep me awake. Actually i like the idea of settling down with a girl. But fate just dont allow me to. 命运捉弄人.. I just yearn for something simple. A simple girl. I think that is almost impossible. Maybe i am just not deserving enough to receive what i want.

Ok chalet, bbq or dinner.. I prefer a chalet though. A shelter to rest is a better idea. 9 more days! Stanley is coming back! Woohoo.. I know you miss me la. That is why you called me all the way from taiwan right! Lol..

When i looked back, everything from the past just dont mean much anymore. How scary a human can be? To be able to let go of all the efforts, time and memories shared. Sometimes i am wondering, did i really forgotten everything? Or i just choose to lock her up in a tiny corner where no one, even myself knows? I dont wish to think about it. For now, i am happy as it is. I did not choose to give up. She did. At least one thing is for sure, i will not have any regrets next time. =)

Zihui! Where is my steamboat trip! Big fat liar! Lol..

I like being busy. I like the idea of having something to do. But i dont like datelines. That is why i like working. I like to interact with people. Like to know more about everything. To gain more knowledge.

Oh ya, i can cook much better than the past! I can cook a decent meal alright. Results from staying at home during my recovery period. Learning from my mum. I think i am good at it. =) Anyone wanna try? Lol..

Till then..

Svette

Boring sat as usual. Went school in the afternoon. Mathematics. Is getting a bit more difficult. But still acceptable. Again, saw pavilion girl in lecture hall. Looked at her and she looked back. I was the first to turned away as it is kinda embarrassing. Lol.. Ok that is just an eye candy. Went to eat botak jones. Not bad, worth a return trip. But i still think the price is a bit overated in a coffee shop.

Home after that. Watched tv, online, slacking around and watching clips. How bored.. Received a call from camp and they are urging me to go back. When i am needed then they will be concern about me. So realistic.. Oh ya, someone has been bothering me recently. Or actually since some time ago. That someone is a HE! A guy kept messaging me online and asking to be friends. As a nice person, i said yes to him. After that he wanna ask me out and hint me to be his boyfriend! So i decided not to reply him. But he kept messaging me on and off! Being friends, i dont mind. But not that type of "friends". At least till now, i am still a normal guy.. Zzz... Dont understand what makes him interested in me. Holy..

Joanna, i am still waiting for you to finish exams!

Yesterday went to play basketball with ken. Feels good to be in touch with the ball again. I want more of this! But please be gentle with me. I am still recovering! Dont charge or bang me! Dont push me while i jump! I have phobia in spraining my ankle ya..

Liting~ I want other food. No more prata please.. Haha..

Ning, finish your exams then meet me! Ice cream for you alright! Miss you!

I feel like singing.. Anyone nice enough to accompany me? Lol.. Till then...

Jautrus

William shakespeare

- It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in overselves.

- And since you know you cannot see yourself, so well as by reflection, i, your glass, will modestly discover to yourself, that of yourself which you yet know not of.

- I did never know so full a voice issue from so empty a heart: but the saying is true The empty vessel makes the greatest sound'.

My thoughts

We should grab all opportunities that is given to us and fight for all that is to come. Being a sitting duck is never the way. Life is short. See, my 18 years old days are just like a moment ago. Time just zap away everything. One can never gain back lost time ya.

For two person to be together, even friends, you will need the other party to guide you. To be your mirror that can reflect characteristics that you never imagine you have. When will i be able to look at my image? And who can i lead in this world of uncertainties?

Missing is just a pain that is taken in with each breath. Trying to forget is just like taking a slow poison that consume us right at the end. The only antidote will be time. Resign to fate? I will never do that. Perhaps not now. Not yet.

Saw a few clips of martial arts. Remember once i accidentally knocked out a fellow competitor with a kick. Felt so bad about it. Taewondo is beautiful. But not very effective. Realised that hapkido is even more attractive, i decided to enroll for it. The moves are really stunning!

Mr teo hon wei. So which one you want? Haha.. I am single. You can take me if you want too. I dont mind a guy though. Lol! Ya la ya la, you are currently marinated with love. Show off. Haha..

Till then.... =)

Edru

Well well.. Was slacking this morning till afternoon time. Went back TP to certify true copy for my certificates. I was surprised when the administration staff from business school remembers me. I was asking where do i get the stamp from and she suddenly ask: "How are you? Been a long time." Hearing that, i was stunned for a second. Haha.. Then we started talking. Been nearly 2 years.. I am notorious if you dont know. Lol! Went over One-Stop Centre after getting direction from the staff. Done with all the certificates including sito's, i decided to visit some of my lecturers. Did not manage to locate any. Guess i am too late. When i was about to go off, i saw mr jimmy yeo. My course manager. Normally tutors will only remember the best and of course the infamous one. I belong to the latter. =) So i got invited into his office for a chat. Left after a while. Went to buy bubble tea, and as usual, the uncle ask: "where is your gf?" So ya.. They always ask either one of us when the other not around.. Proceeded to my grandma there at jurong west. Watched ah wang in my aunt house. Oh ya, today i think is TP's open house for cca. Is very happening. Watched some cheer leading. Impressed.. Haha.. Regretted i did not join any in the past. Wanna spend more time with her in the past. Reluctant to fork out time for other things. Lol.. But another reason will be i am lazy too. Never mind. I already have plannings on what i wanna learn now. Gonna proceed next month latest i guess. How great.

Maybe i was kinda distracted by her messages that day. After all, i am the type that is quite sentimental. But all is ok now. I am not dwelling on it. What past is past. Shall not get emo and carry on my life. Thank for trying to wake me up my friends. But for your information, i am actually sober and know what am i doing. Just that i am slightly affected by it. I am smart you know.. Not as stupid as before. =)

Today will be another boring day. Stanley low! Come back come back! Sian..

Think i shall organise some parties.. First to start will be er-hu gathering. Followed by poly cliques. Anyone interested? Haha.. Till then..

Cielo

Looking far out into the ocean, beneath the horizon, felicity, a forbidden path that is not meant for any of us. How cruel can this world be? Life is simple. But we complicated it. Clear blue sky with beautiful white clouds stretched across the heaven. The next moment, it changes to dark clouds gathering forming an alliance. Rain befall us so quickly that we did not notice we are already drenched. Time factor. A master of time is the way to appreciate all. Time waits for no one. Let time take control, you will come to realised that you did nothing much in this life. The only accomplishment will be time wasting. Smile is all i want.

Saw this chinese lyrics from somewhere. Kinda meaningful..

怎么去拥有 一道彩虹
怎么去拥抱 一夏天的风
天上的星星 笑地上的人
总是不能懂不能觉得足够
如果我爱上 你的笑容
要怎么收藏 要怎么拥有
如果你快乐 再不是为我
会不会放手 其实才是拥有
当一阵风吹来 风筝飞上天空
为了你 而祈祷 而祝福 而感动
终于你身影 消失在人海尽头
才发现 笑著哭最痛
那天你和我 那个山丘
那样的唱著 那一年的歌
那样的回忆 那么足够
足够我天天都品尝著寂寞
(知足的快乐 叫我忍受心痛)

Comover

Woke up after dozing off for 3 hours. Just got so tired suddenly. Actually i was already asleep way before. But received a message from her. Recently i keep waking up after people sms or call me. Cant manage to go back dream land after that. That explains why i am losing out from my zzz.. Was surprised to receive a message from her. Asking me to do a personality test around 12am plus. Guess something strike her mind at this moment that is why. She is always so random. Woke up and did the test. So, i am the king/queen. The result was expected. My partner supposed to be magicians. She asked me to guess what is hers. So judging from how well i understand her, i guessed she is like magicians-lovers. But more towards magicians. Because her traits fall in both and there are things she is lacking of which requires the merging of the two. I got it right. Her pecentage was magician slightly over than lovers from what she told me. Wow.. I am accurate eh? Hmmm.. She realised and told me that ain't we the best for each other? I was like stunned for a moment. After that she asked me all these questions. "What happened to us? Did she do wrong? Did she make the wrong decision? Will there be a day we saw through everything and be back together again?" The first two i might have answer to it. But whether is this the right decision, only she herself will know it. I cant answer the last question. Is like so tough.. To me, i see her as a changed person, with all the photos and such. But memories of us remained inside of me. I still do care about her but i threw away the key. Is kinda hard to find it back again. Is been more than 1/4 of a year. I changed too. Towards the better i felt. The freedom i received now and already got used to life being alone. Maybe i am just slowly becoming a loner in my own world. I knew she asked all these just based on a spur of emo moments. She will be alright after that. Whatever it is, i just miss cheesy melt from KFC. Haha.. Ok, my fault to change topic. But this suddenly flashed through my mind! =)

Still deciding whether to go TP later to certify my certs or not. Going alone is so boring! If anyone wanna accompany me. Holla me alright!

Nothing much going on except for sat. Went out with zhenny. Initial plan was to watch a movie and dinner. But we decided to catch another one at 12.15am. First was streets king. Plotting was unexpected. Or maybe i never really go concentrate for the show so never noticed that. Next was forbidden kingdom. Plotting sucks but fighting scenes... Only one word to describe. Awesome. Haha.. Before the second show, went hongkong cafe. Ok my first time again. I know i am sua ku. But whatever. I love being one. =) The hor fun there is nice! Shall eat again next time. Thanks for the treat ya. Miss chen taught me mathematics too. At first my understanding of the topic is like 50-60pc but after her explainations, it became 80pc! The rest i got to keep doing to achieve it. Thanks ya! Cheers for chen lao shi! Send her home and that is it. Ok, something unlucky, i broke my card. Cant withdraw or use master anymore. So i am a poor kid now. Luckily i got some savings in my piggy bank. See.. I am a smart kid after all. All coins though. Haha..

What am i thinking right now. My thoughts are not in a mess. It is just randomly shifting around. Maybe i got stirred up a little by her messages. Shall focus on other areas. Lesson later on. Econs! I know i will enjoy it for sure.

My world is empty. I do not expect anything anymore.... Till then..

Bendecir

Alright. Lesson on monday and tuesday, not too bad. As usual, econs lesson on monday was great. =) Maths was alright except for functions. I need more time to understand. Came across this clip. Decided to be nice and share with everyone. It is about doomsday, which might take place in 2012. 4 years from now. Believer or not, is your choice. I just wish it will happen. Call me sadist if you want. =)



Oh ya.. I owe sito a dinner treat. Shit. Should not have guessed green. I wanna choose black first! Ok inside joke. That is one of the game we played to kill our boredom. Ok. This sat after lesson at hairless jones.

I can see the new land over at the other shore. No matter how far, i will be there. My footprints will mark the sands, my voice will echo throughout the city and my body shall party with the rest.

In a foreign land, mysterious mankind portrays themselves as hospitable hosts. Yet we can never be sure about their intentions. Grasping for something that does not exist. What am i trying to do? Beats me. Masquerading as someone i am not. Why? Life, even if i gained the whole world, what happiness do i have without anyone to share it with? Some said loneliness came after certain point. I beg to differ. Heartache leads to desolation. Slowly we became isolated. The state of melancholy will always be around. Hidden within myself. Can you locate me? I have long forgotten the feeling of living in a paradise. Mortification is what i am experiencing. Ignore me. Just being random.

Some pictures from last week.









Till then..

Frivillig

Too tired to blog yesterday about the voluntary work. You know... People tends to give in to physical demand such as sleep.. Haha.. Did not even catch a wink for the whole night. Therefore this explains why i am so tired. =)

Went to Chen Shu Lan Children's Home in serangoon. Past by a familiar place which brings back memories of her bringing me over for lunch. I can still remember she went to the nearby mac to look for one of her relatives who is working over there. Ages ago though.. Ok lets not side track. Reached the children's home and help out with some moving of stuff. As we are short of time, the whole programme begins almost immediately. Starting from the breakdance by two guys. But seriously speaking, i dont think is a good idea. Kids might start learning and injured themselves. Shall speak up the next time. Next is chinese dance by a very beautiful young lady. The kids dont really appreciate that though. Can see that they are bored. Lol.. Followed by magic performance. Uncle bob is kinda good at it ya. He managed to catch all the kids attention. Lastly will be game session for both volunteers and the children together. Some of them dont really wanna participate. I noticed one of the girls, maybe aged 13-15. Kinda rebellious. She formed her own group of girls sitting at one corner. Somewhat like the da jie da over there. When distributing goodies, she gave the "wtf are you giving it to me expression and rolled her eyes". She needs some counselling. If not one day she might just take on the wrong path.. Sigh.. After everything, due to time constraints, we got to hurry off. A kinda short trip. But managed to interact with some of the kids. When taking group shots, one of the kids still sit on my lap when i squat down. How cute. Haha.. I asked him what is his name. He then decided to write on his notebook instead of saying it out. He wrote "Dane" on his pad. So i said "Your name is dane"? After looking at his own writing, he realised he forgot to add in I and L. So he inserted them into "Dane" and becomes "Daniel". Super cute la. What to expect from a kid of 7 years old right? Haha.. Got the contact number of the place. Thinking of going back as volunteer instead of a visitor. Must plan my schedule first. I foresee a tight time constraint on my side.

Ok, let me talk a bit more of the kids there. Their age range is roughly from 5-15 or perhaps 16. Some of them, parents are in jail therefore seek shelter in the children's home. There are those whose parents decided that they cannot control them anymore and enrolled the child to the home. To make it simple, most of them are kinda problematic and needs help from people. I saw one boy snatch things from others and even threatened to use his punches. It might be quite difficult to help them to the right path. But if given a chance, i am willing to. =)

I think liting should enjoyed herself? Another girl helped her to tie hair! Haha.. Went century square for dinner with her. Walked around for a little while before i realised i am falling asleep. Lol.. Getting old and useless.. Cant even tolerate not sleeping for a day. Reached home, KO after 15mins? Haha..

Pictures.


Setting up


Break dancing


Beautiful!


Uncle bob


Daniel!


Games

Later still got lesson. Yawn.. Gonna rest a while so that i wont fall asleep. So, till then.. =)

Transtornar

My thoughts are in a terrible mess right now. Actually since night time. To think that so many incidents happened or on going in such a short time frame. Within this 3 months, i gone through break up with my ex gf of 4 years, first time surgery, birthday being single, met another not meant to be, bridging classes and preparing to ORD. There are more small little things but i just cant add all in. The break up is the most painful thing though. But i promised so many people that i will be ok. Yea.. I am better compared to the first month. I know i got to move on. I am in fact. Just that so many events just cramped up my mind. Things just piled up. Like a kite, i am starting to fly up but strong winds and obstacles just keep pushing me down. I know what i need to do and i clearly know what i want in life. Just cant help it as there are times one will feel emo. Why cant life be easier? Love is a risk.

The past flooded me with memories while the present is suffocating me. The future is unknown. Maybe i should quit being such an emotional person and get down to being logical. I used to tell others not to behave due to feelings and think carefully. But right now i am doing it. It is always easier to help or tell others what to do. Who can i blame other than myself? I am just not capable enough to retain what used to be mine. For the past or present. I know being career minded will result in losing out many things in life. But this is my only option. Sometimes i feel, living is so miserable. Why should any of us be alive? Why cant judgement day arrive sooner so that we shall all perish? One day earth will stop rotating. One day there wont be any more heat emitting from the sun. One day we will all be dead. Just one day... Will this day come sooner? Pardon me for being pessimistic. Praise me for being realistic. In such a short time frame, i felt so much more matured. Together with being matured, i felt old. I changed so much when sometimes i looked into the mirror, i dont recognised myself anymore. No longer one who do anything as he wished. Am i being pathetic or just simply improved?

One should never change for another. What he/she needs to do is just simply improve. I need more time. I doubt anyone understand what i blogged about. Complicated. Just not meant to be.

Under the cloudy sky, one will feel at ease. Under the clear night sky, one will feel romantically linked to someone of their choice. Under a stormy sky? I guess we will just run for shelter. Ok, this is just so random.

I realised to forget is not that easy. Some part of me just refused to move. So i am kinda like dragging my body. A quiet moment, with some alcohol and a place to chill. Will be a desirable moment for myself.

Suddenly, i am wondering, how is dua yi. I mean.. She is a nice person. She cooked my favourite za cai. She always welcome me to eat. Although we have some communication problems, she never failed to flashed her smile at me. She speaks hokkien but i cant really understand all or reply. I just hope she is fine. Wanna visit her but i dont think is nice after the break up. So yea.. Really hope she is ok and healthy. There are feelings for her after so many years.

My pinky and the brain. Dont know how are they. I miss them though. My hamsters.. Pinky used to fall asleep on my palm while i sayang her back. Is like, most hamsters will just run around except for her. She just like to cuddle on my palm. Ok i am a bit biased. I played with her more than the other. They are always finding ways to escape from their cage. Always fighting and squeak. I can wake up in the middle of the night hearing her squeaking. Most of the time for nothing. Lol.. Such a unique hamster i have. Wondering about their well-being. I believed they are fine. But just miss them.

Tomorrow voluntary work. Need to get some rest. You, the one who bothered to read till now. I think either you are concern for me or you are too bored. Either way, thanks. At least for now, i am better. =) Night everyone. Till then..