Why do you even want to know the reason that we can't communicate? Isn't it so obvious? Or are you oblivious to it? You wanted me to enlighten you. All i can say is i have done enough for years. My duty is up. I don't have the ability or capability to guide you anymore. You just got to grow up. Look around, face the world. Look out from your window and realise what the world is all about. Stop being stubborn. Stop trying to argue just because you wanted to even without any point. Stop visualising yourself as a victim in any situation. Stop wanting when you can't give. Stop, and think from other's point of view. Stop, i guess what i wanna say is, stop our contact.. I am tired of your mind game. Or perhaps your little tricks that tried to pull me closer whenever i shift away. Been nearly a year yet you are still constantly doing this. I am numb to it already. In the long run, i gain more than i loss with the break up. So yea, i can only say, it is a right choice for us to end. Life is much more easier with your absence.
Should i or should i not?
Can you tell me? Is that a hint? Or perhaps just nothing?
My mind is shifting. Blurring. I can't understand anything. I need to rest. I need to sleep.. I need............
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
News exposed
Nini chen. You know the news you brought to me is not something that is pleasing to my ears? That is one of the last thing i wanna know. But i guess, we can't deny a fact ya. What can i say? I mean it is within my expectations that sooner or later it will happen. Knowing it now, might be an early release. Like what i told my secret friend, moving on is so much easier now after i know it. Another positive aspect, maybe soon, we can be open friends instead of secret friends. Tiring to be under the radar. For fear she might know of our friendship. Just us being friends yet got to hide from the devil. That is really lame..
爱我还是爱你
你选择了自己
沉默是我最後的温柔
是因为我太爱你
爱情是一道伤口
我们各自苦痛
分开其实真的是一种解脱......
Another month, 2009 will be here. Nothing much for me. Just another digit. Same as my age. I got to work on christmas day. How great..
Lets see.. Believe in you? I dunno.. No idea. Don't even understand myself. What i want is unknown. What i can give is limited. Is it worth it for you to wait? Should i really try? To take another chance? We shall see..
Is it you or me?
一切都已经过去
不能改变的事实
我曾经牢牢捉住
不舍得放弃希望
但最后我已明白
放手才是应该的
与其活在回忆里
不如勇敢往前走........
这是我的完结篇
也是我重新认识自己的时候......
All i want for christmas is..........................
爱我还是爱你
你选择了自己
沉默是我最後的温柔
是因为我太爱你
爱情是一道伤口
我们各自苦痛
分开其实真的是一种解脱......
Another month, 2009 will be here. Nothing much for me. Just another digit. Same as my age. I got to work on christmas day. How great..
Lets see.. Believe in you? I dunno.. No idea. Don't even understand myself. What i want is unknown. What i can give is limited. Is it worth it for you to wait? Should i really try? To take another chance? We shall see..
Is it you or me?
一切都已经过去
不能改变的事实
我曾经牢牢捉住
不舍得放弃希望
但最后我已明白
放手才是应该的
与其活在回忆里
不如勇敢往前走........
这是我的完结篇
也是我重新认识自己的时候......
All i want for christmas is..........................
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Wipe away the dust
I am not diligent enough to blog. The phase of expressing my feelings and thoughts slowly die off. Two weeks back, while working, i was actually quite surprised by janice. She suddenly message me, "Are you ok? Something is bothering you?" I always find it amusing when she is just sitting opposite of me but got to use message instead of saying it out. None of my other colleagues notice something is bothering me except for her. I got to say, thanks for asking. I thought i am acting normal. But you saw the sign...
As usual, work and studies are taking up most of my timing. Recently been drinking very often. On my money tap. Flowing like how singaporeans use water.
Suzuki swift, Toyota altis or vios, Honda fit. Give me a while more, one of you will be mine! =)
I am kinda hesitating. Like what i said, it will be tough on you. Basically, i don't have any trust for girls. Which means relationship is a risky and non-profitable investment for me. That is why i am reluctant to. I gave enough previously. I am tired to be the "giver". You said you are willing to go through this with me. How sure are you? Don't you think you will feel upset more often? Sometimes i can make you really helpless with my emo-ness. I can make you feel that no matter what you did, i am still rooted to the ground. I agreed that time will tell. I also acknowledge the fact that i can't be always hiding in the past and not willing to move on. But if i can forget easily, that is not me anymore. Is not about you anymore. Is me. If only i can be more cold blooded.....
As usual, work and studies are taking up most of my timing. Recently been drinking very often. On my money tap. Flowing like how singaporeans use water.
Suzuki swift, Toyota altis or vios, Honda fit. Give me a while more, one of you will be mine! =)
I am kinda hesitating. Like what i said, it will be tough on you. Basically, i don't have any trust for girls. Which means relationship is a risky and non-profitable investment for me. That is why i am reluctant to. I gave enough previously. I am tired to be the "giver". You said you are willing to go through this with me. How sure are you? Don't you think you will feel upset more often? Sometimes i can make you really helpless with my emo-ness. I can make you feel that no matter what you did, i am still rooted to the ground. I agreed that time will tell. I also acknowledge the fact that i can't be always hiding in the past and not willing to move on. But if i can forget easily, that is not me anymore. Is not about you anymore. Is me. If only i can be more cold blooded.....
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Decision
Yesterday another round of drinks again. Not because i wanna it though. I almost expose my secret after being tipsy. Zzz.. Lucky.. How lucky...
I have decided. This is leading to no where. Instantly, i set my mind to cut it off. I told her, "lets stop contacting". This afternoon i did not reply at all. I guess i did the right thing. I can't have her dragging me. Up till now, she is only concern about how she is feeling. Never ever did she ask what am i thinking or how am i feeling. I can never pin-point her mistakes out. It will just make her frustrated and turn negative. This is why we can never have a proper conversation. Can't reach a point of understanding. When i willing to listen, she don't wanna talk. If only she can behave calmly, things will be better. She just has no patience. Bias-ness.. No matter what i say or do, is always wrong in her eyes. So ya... Don't tell me i am good enough. Because to me, i am never enough for you. No matter how hard i try, i can never reach it. Just take it as i am shitty. You deserve better. Everything is my fault.
Much better now. Straightened my thoughts. Gonna follow what i set my mind to. Cut it off. The bonds. Only in this way, then i can see my future. =)
One day, just one fine day, your spell will have no effect on me anymore.
I have decided. This is leading to no where. Instantly, i set my mind to cut it off. I told her, "lets stop contacting". This afternoon i did not reply at all. I guess i did the right thing. I can't have her dragging me. Up till now, she is only concern about how she is feeling. Never ever did she ask what am i thinking or how am i feeling. I can never pin-point her mistakes out. It will just make her frustrated and turn negative. This is why we can never have a proper conversation. Can't reach a point of understanding. When i willing to listen, she don't wanna talk. If only she can behave calmly, things will be better. She just has no patience. Bias-ness.. No matter what i say or do, is always wrong in her eyes. So ya... Don't tell me i am good enough. Because to me, i am never enough for you. No matter how hard i try, i can never reach it. Just take it as i am shitty. You deserve better. Everything is my fault.
Much better now. Straightened my thoughts. Gonna follow what i set my mind to. Cut it off. The bonds. Only in this way, then i can see my future. =)
One day, just one fine day, your spell will have no effect on me anymore.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Why now...
I went out happily. Although i am tired and sleepy, my mood is still alright. Drink, drank and tipsy. Came home and my mood is all gone. In one instant. Those of you know who this person is should know the impact on me.
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:24 AM:
i went through sm smses in my old phone....
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
just wanna tell you, i miss you
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
oh well
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
what happened to us
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
haha sorry
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:26 AM:
a little in a drunken stupor
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:38 AM:
what happened to us...................
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:39 AM:
right my apologise agian
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:39 AM:
nights
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:39 AM:
can we go back to then?
Maybe she is drunk and not sober. Maybe she is just being emotional at that moment. Why wait till now? Don't you think is too late? Is been nearly a year.. I felt a pain. A sharp pain piercing through my heart. Why wait till i have given up all hopes? I really tried my best for you. But everything is just so wrong in your eyes. I am never enough.. Is really painful. The pain... Somebody kill me please...................
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:24 AM:
i went through sm smses in my old phone....
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
just wanna tell you, i miss you
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
oh well
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
what happened to us
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:25 AM:
haha sorry
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:26 AM:
a little in a drunken stupor
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:38 AM:
what happened to us...................
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:39 AM:
right my apologise agian
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:39 AM:
nights
[R]yn_askin - who has camping tents?? sent 11/9/2008 1:39 AM:
can we go back to then?
Maybe she is drunk and not sober. Maybe she is just being emotional at that moment. Why wait till now? Don't you think is too late? Is been nearly a year.. I felt a pain. A sharp pain piercing through my heart. Why wait till i have given up all hopes? I really tried my best for you. But everything is just so wrong in your eyes. I am never enough.. Is really painful. The pain... Somebody kill me please...................
Monday, November 3, 2008
Restless day
Finished my work early today. Received a message from janice. Asking whether wanna go home together or not. So i decided to leave with her. Went to tm for a while before heading home together. Actually i find it quite amusing. We are sitting opposite of each other. Yet got to message. Weird isn't it? Hmmm...
Sometimes life drive us crazy. Sometimes we drive ourselves mad. Once again, back to the starting line. I am not making sense here. Pardon me. Just allow my emotions to flow. Just cut me some slack. How i wish everyone can stop pressuring me. I am tense up at work every minute. How pathetic. Personal, work or school life, i am not expecting anything. Just hoping for a breakthrough. Sometimes in the middle of the work, receiving a simple message can brighten my day up. I can take stress. With stress, i can perform better. I wanna over take the rest. Trying hard. Very hard.. I guess i am pushing myself way too much.
Life's been real hard for me. Not family wise, not financially. Those who knows will understand what i been through.. Currently yea, i am stressing myself for working full time and studying part time. Straining my time away. But i just wanna succeed earlier than others. Compared to those rich kids, i am inferior. To those smart ass, i am nothing. Why do you think i wanna push myself so hard? I am not doing a 9am-6pm type of job. In fact is 9am till after 6pm. After 6pm is no limits. 12am. 1am. 2am. The next day the routine continues. No ending. I got to say, i lost myself.
Watching Hot Shot. Kinda lame but then i guess i am way too bored. This show is a copy of the anime slam dunk. Even the character's behaviours. Something to drive our boredom away yea?
Lost at work today. My mind just can't settle down. Messages keep coming in. But it is never you. I wished your name will flash on the screen everytime i turn and look at the incoming. How strange.. This feeling is so strong. What is wrong with me? Everything was normal till one fine day. I choose not to say, because i knew you have better options around. I guess, as long as you are happy, that is all it matters.
Sometimes life drive us crazy. Sometimes we drive ourselves mad. Once again, back to the starting line. I am not making sense here. Pardon me. Just allow my emotions to flow. Just cut me some slack. How i wish everyone can stop pressuring me. I am tense up at work every minute. How pathetic. Personal, work or school life, i am not expecting anything. Just hoping for a breakthrough. Sometimes in the middle of the work, receiving a simple message can brighten my day up. I can take stress. With stress, i can perform better. I wanna over take the rest. Trying hard. Very hard.. I guess i am pushing myself way too much.
Life's been real hard for me. Not family wise, not financially. Those who knows will understand what i been through.. Currently yea, i am stressing myself for working full time and studying part time. Straining my time away. But i just wanna succeed earlier than others. Compared to those rich kids, i am inferior. To those smart ass, i am nothing. Why do you think i wanna push myself so hard? I am not doing a 9am-6pm type of job. In fact is 9am till after 6pm. After 6pm is no limits. 12am. 1am. 2am. The next day the routine continues. No ending. I got to say, i lost myself.
Watching Hot Shot. Kinda lame but then i guess i am way too bored. This show is a copy of the anime slam dunk. Even the character's behaviours. Something to drive our boredom away yea?
Lost at work today. My mind just can't settle down. Messages keep coming in. But it is never you. I wished your name will flash on the screen everytime i turn and look at the incoming. How strange.. This feeling is so strong. What is wrong with me? Everything was normal till one fine day. I choose not to say, because i knew you have better options around. I guess, as long as you are happy, that is all it matters.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Updates
I lost the momentum to blog. Using busy as an excuse to cover up what i am lacking of. I am thinking of quitting my current job. I dont mind the long hours. Days when i got to work till nearly 1am from 9am. But is about the need to compromise my studies. Priority should be school then work. I am sick and tired to hear my boss telling me, "I am sorry you got to miss school today". "I am sorry for the hours". I am told, as an officer level, we are not entitled to overtime pay. Whenever we worked till the wee hours, the next day is kinda expected that some will be late. Yet my boss can say, "the management require punctuality from everyone". Now speaking of punctuality. I thought our official working hour is 9am-6pm? Maybe we can knock off punctually too? I know i can be such a workaholic. I can stay in office for more than 16hours without grumbling. But cant they be understanding? I know we got timing to meet. Cut off time. But as long as we finish our tasks, isn't that alright? Sometimes from morning till lunch time, i dont even have a chance to visit the washroom. To be frank, i love my job. I love the hectic life. I love the type of work i am engaging in. Just that.. Maybe i am too stress up.
Weekends were great. The at least once a week meet up with tyf. Not bad, this week 3 times. =) Meet up with the rest of the cliques. 2008, definitely a year of chaos. Oh ya, it is qian i saw that day in tampines mall. Catch up the next time you are back alright. Dont lose your handphone again. =)
I think this is weird for me. Is it an illusion? It is so real..
Can there be a sign? So that i know what to do?
This is really going to be tough..
What can i say?
Weekends were great. The at least once a week meet up with tyf. Not bad, this week 3 times. =) Meet up with the rest of the cliques. 2008, definitely a year of chaos. Oh ya, it is qian i saw that day in tampines mall. Catch up the next time you are back alright. Dont lose your handphone again. =)
I think this is weird for me. Is it an illusion? It is so real..
Can there be a sign? So that i know what to do?
This is really going to be tough..
What can i say?
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Busy
Will do an update soon ya. Really hell busy with work, school and friends. Mostly is work. I need rest. Needa sleep. I miss those days when i can sleep for more than 10 hours. I shall dedicate one day to do so!
Everyone, weekend is coming! Hang in there! =)
Everyone, weekend is coming! Hang in there! =)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
这一刻 突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天 今天同时在放映
我这句语气 原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据
差一点 骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变
却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天 可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
那一段 我们曾心贴著心
(我想我更有权力关心你)
可能你 已走进别人风景
多希望 也有 星光的投影
努力为你改变
却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上双眼 我还看得见
可惜不是你 陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口
Monday, October 6, 2008
Party is over
Done with the chalet. Not sure whether everyone enjoyed it or not. But i knew i tried hard ya.. Hate intruders with beers. Disrupt our party. Lol.. Tired.. I dunno whether i am doing the right thing. I know karma will strike back. But... I just cant stop.. I guess i just got to wait for it.
I want more outings with my cliques. Is such a joy to be able to meet up and do silly stuff. Just talking about ourselves, is enough to pass time.
Oh ya, happy two years my TYF! Haha..
Club this friday? Anyone?
"I might have my bads, but did i not give you my best? When i lost you, both of us lose out in this game of love. To me is because you were the one i loved the most. To you is because i was the one who loved and understand you the most. But from the two of us the one who lost more was you. Because i will be able to love others the way i loved you. But no one will ever love you the way I did. And when you miss me, remember, you let me go..."
Reality, the fact that i existed is the reason for your downfall.
I want more outings with my cliques. Is such a joy to be able to meet up and do silly stuff. Just talking about ourselves, is enough to pass time.
Oh ya, happy two years my TYF! Haha..
Club this friday? Anyone?
"I might have my bads, but did i not give you my best? When i lost you, both of us lose out in this game of love. To me is because you were the one i loved the most. To you is because i was the one who loved and understand you the most. But from the two of us the one who lost more was you. Because i will be able to love others the way i loved you. But no one will ever love you the way I did. And when you miss me, remember, you let me go..."
Reality, the fact that i existed is the reason for your downfall.
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